The Eye of the Heart
by emerusmerlinus
Summary: The story is about Sanzo's struggle to admit his increasing desired for Goku and the disturbing destiny Kanzeon Bosatsu, Merciful Goddess, reveales to him.
1. Blame It On The Rain

Sanzo follows Goku's darting figure as he springs out of the jeep to avoid getting shot while going to buy the requested snacks. Sanzo continues shooting as he sees Goku entering the first food stand and Goyjo screams calling him twisted bastard. Once Goku is out of sight he faces the front of the jeep and shoots two more rounds as he dares Goyjo or Hakkai to mess with him.

"Tsz!"

"Did you say something Sanzo?" a very amused Hakkai asks knowing well that Sanzo cannot get so easy out of the hole he has dig up for himself.

Goyjo just settles down comfortably to enjoy his cigarette while they wait for Goku to come back with the snacks that Sanzo has asked for, "On second thought, let me go and help the monkey buy the snacks because I am sure the fucking bastard is just going to bring Sanzo's favorites and what about you and me Hakkai. Hell if I am going to eat those damn kelp pickles or frozen stuff this fucking twisted monk likes so much." And without any ceremony Goyjo jumps out of the jeep to catch Goku at the food stand.

"I'll go with you Goyjo because I am sure between you and Goku will manage to buy everything in the store." Hakkai begins to get out of the jeep and turning to look at Sanzo adds, "Are you coming Sanzo?"

"Tsz" Sanzo hisses without bothering to look at Hakkai or Goyjo.

Walking away Hakkai adds, "I take that as a no."

Delicious silence follows the last eco of his bangs. Sighing Sanzo closes his eyes to figure out how to get out of the fucking mess he is in right now. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he takes a long breath grabbing his cigarettes box and flipping it open. He knew the rain was bad news. Hell rain never brought anything good to Sanzo's life, first the murder of his master and now this.

"Stupid, monkey!" he exhales as the words come out without effort force of habit he figures.

It had been raining for the past few days, raining is putting it mildly it had been down poring and then Goku had to go and … Sanzo shakes his head to disperse the images flooding his mind. He lights his cigarette and the flame flickers reminding him of Goku's concern golden-eyes searching his impassive face. Goku's bronzed-tan hand probes for a fever or any other signs of Sanzo's illness lingering in his forehead a second too long for Sanzo's comfort, and what did he do? He slaps Goku's hand away. Realizing the hurt he caused on Goku's eyes, Sanzo adds, "I am not sick."1

It should have stopped Goku from pushing further but like the persistent little monkey he is, he pushes his luck. All Sanzo wants is to be left alone with his own thoughts, so he adds," It got nothing to do with you."2

It seems that Goku knows him better than he thinks because the little bastard continues, "Yes, it does." 3

That is the last drop that spills the water; he hates the rain. Sanzo feels exposed too many feelings coming to him at once his master's murder plaguing his dreams, the hag's ominous destiny crap, and to top it all hormones going hare wire. He is twenty three for God's sake; before he could hit puberty, he had to deal with the whole revenge thing so no time to think of hormones, and now he has been cooked-up way too long with these idiots and Goku's constant touching. No one else is allowed to touch him so much as Goku does. Well to be truthful not even Goku is allowed to invade his personal space; however, the little bastard never asked his permission.

Sanzo hates feeling vulnerable, so he uses meanest as a mechanical defense; verbal abuse is his primary weapon followed by physical abuse of those who threatens him. No wonder he reacts by yelling at him, "Get out!"4 Followed by the kicking of the table instead of slapping Goku some more, Goku does not get the hint. Sanzo then delivers the last blow by asking, "Why are you here?"5

It seems that Goku takes it to heart; he runs out of the room in tears. Sanzo will be damned if he cares, he has more pressing things to worry about like his own thoughts and feelings and desires. Desires, Sanzo could not bring himself to admit that he relishes every second Goku touches him. Goku's careful ministers feel damn good. The roughed small hand against his silky alabaster skin, Goku's hand is no longer one of a child but of a young man. He barely reaches Sanzo's shoulders, but Sanzo knows that eighteen is the time when those late bloomers are known to sprout overnight and Goku seems destined to be the taller of the two.

Hell, Goku will become one of those muscular farmer types. He was after all born from a rock, so he would be all firm tanned muscles and taller, cooper-brown hair and sweet-golden eye while Sanzo will forever remain a little effeminate, slender with golden-blond hair, Amethyst-violet eyes and silky alabaster skin. He has never labor hard in his life not even at the temple, Sanzo was always assigned the less strenuous chores sweeping, washing, etc., so his hands were soft and delicate. Even now with all the killing and stuff, Sanzo uses a pistol and chants sutras to defeat his enemies barely any effort there. He is not weak by any means, but he is not strong, physically strong. Mentally, he could hold his own with any of the idiots around him; however, he is painfully aware of his physical shortcomings, a pretty boy. Goku on the other hand is physically strong, muscular and well toned, a promising masculine man on the making.

Then Hakkai and Goyjo interrupt his reverie telling him that Homura kidnapped Goku. Homura, the prince of war, if the old hag is right, he knows she is, but for spite, he would not acknowledge it, will be the best mentor for Goku. So instead of getting all pumped up on the let's go and rescue Goku like Goyjo is, he just tells Hakkai,"Let it be!"6

However, the idiots keep pushing, so he just adds, "I see no reason for getting him back."7

Hakkai says something speaking holy than shit stuff like is his custom, the fucking bastard always admonishing. Hakkai had no idea what he is going through. Hell no one knows anything about him and Goku. Sanzo is left alone again with his own thoughts and then he is out of cigarettes. _Shit!_ If he allows Kanzeon Bosatsu to have the last word, "Merciful Goddess my ass," Goku is his and fuck the destiny crap.

So he goes to look for the idiots and finds them fighting Homura and his boys and from there everything goes downhill. He hears himself saying, "I couldn't sleep,"8 like if it is anyone business to know why he is here, and then the fucking Homura's sarcastic sing-song remark, "Lonely without your Goku, eh!"9

Then Sanzo sees Goku perched on the fucking tree like an idiot monkey, so he could not helped but to spat, "an idle spectator, what a nuisance."10 Goku then drops like a fucking peach ready to be eaten or left on the ground to rotten, so Sanzo rather walks away than eat the fucking delicious, mouth-watering peach. Then the kid grows some balls, what timing, and begins to scream,"Come back here! Sanzo! You're the mean one. You don't care about me at all. What is wrong if I worry about you every once in awhile. If I knew it was going to be like this when I got out, I would've asked you to leave me there?"11

A sharp pain cuts across Sanzo's chest like a knife reaching his tender heart, he has to stop. Goku's words ringing in his ears like the fucking rain, droplets hitting, drilling incessantly in his mind, "If I knew it was going to be like this when I got out, I would've asked you to leave me there?"12

Sanzo turns around and slowly walks towards Goku who flinches like expecting Sanzo's usual meanest. However, Sanzo only places his hand on Goku's head, and asks Homura, "What the heck have you done to Goku?"13 Homura says something about Sanzo being Goku's sun. Who the fuck wants to be someone's sun? Or God for that matter? Fuck the Merciful Goddess and her ominous destiny crap. He certainly was no one's God and Goku was no … fuck. Sanzo has to take charge and damn be the Heaven's so he just tells Goku,"I am in a bad mood because of the rain the rest you have to figure it out by yourself."14

Sanzo turns around and walks away hoping against hope that Goku will wise up and realized that Sanzo is just a horny bastard. Sanzo thinks that maybe Goku needs one more clue, so he adds,"I never wanted you to be a servant"15 There, he has done it. Goku has enough information to figure out that Sanzo just wants to jump his bones.

"Sanzo! Here, I just open up the can for you." Sanzo's nostril is assaulted by the sweet and buttery-bread scent of the kelp pickles.

Sanzo's eyelids fly open while the last remains of his cigarette scatters on his robes, "Stupid monkey!"

"I'm sorry Sanzo. I didn't mean to hit you on the face."

"Now, now Sanzo don't be mad. Goku is just eager to give you your pickles since you were so desperately to get them. Remember, you discharged your gun so Goku will move faster." Hakkai adds while he and Goyjo get inside the jeep dropping the groceries bag on the back seat.

Goku sits behind Sanzo eating a meat bun. Sanzo grabs the can as Hakkai begins to drive forward towards their destination and brushes away any remains of spilled ashes or pickle vinegar on his robes. The ride continues in silence for a few minutes since Goku is too busy eating his meat bun and Goyjo drinks some beer.

"Aren't you going to eat your pickles Sanzo?" Goku shouts too closed to Sanzo's nape.

Sanzo jumps out of his wits at the unexpected shout, but Sanzo is grateful that at the same time the road had turned bumpy so no one actually suspects that Goku had just brought him back from enjoying some private memories.

"Here! You eat them stupid monkey!" Sanzo shoves the can into Goku's stomach without even turning to face him.

Goku only smiles and grabs the offered food, "Thanks, Sanzo! I was about to say that I'm still hungry the meat bun was good, but it was only one."

"You ate five, glutton moron, before we even reach the jeep." Goyjo adds while opening his third beer. Hakkai only laughs a little.

"Shut-up! I had enough of." Sanzo hits both Goyjo and Goku with his paper fan and finishes, "not another word, I have a fucking headache. One more outburst, I kill both of you."

"Sanzo" Goku whispers on his ear.

"What?" Sanzo stiffens with Goku's proximity that is a first Goku whispering and it does not help with the increasing bulge under Sanzo's robes due to the private memories that Goku and Goyjo manage to destroy.

"Is there anything I can do to help you? Or maybe Hakkai can do something with his 'Chi' healing thing." Sanzo could not think straight with Goku's whispering and his hot breath caressing his ears. The sweet-buttery scent of the pickles that obviously Goku is shoving down his throat invading his senses while some juice tickles his neck as it falls down.

"Why are you whispering?" Sanzo snaps, of all the times for Goku to be whispering and eating kelp pickles that is torture.

"You moron, you just said you have a headache and that you kill us if we don't shut-up." Goyjo feels it is his duty to interpret the monkey's need to whisper.

"Yeah, what Goyjo said!"

"No! It's just a headache if you both managed to keep silent for at least half hour I'll be alright."

"Oh! Okay, I'll do that." Goku sighs as he slumps into his seat.

"Fine by me, I'm exhausted with the rescuing Goku from Homura's clutches and the fucking rain, and…" Goyjo stops his ranting as he eyes the passive Hakkai.

Goyjo had a rough night lying awake listening to Hakkai's erratic breathing and twitching. Hakkai's nightmares hunt him especially on rainy days so Goyjo trails off, "the night I had yesterday."

Hakkai eyes Goyjo through the rear mirror. He knows how anxious Goyjo gets every time he has his nightmares and how the red-head half-breed could not sleep just watching over him probably remembering the day he picked him up laying half dead on the side of the road while the rain fall over him and the mud covered him all over. A silence falls over the group as each one gets lost in their thoughts. The road extends before them with miles and miles of rough, bare-rocky terrain.

Sanzo continues with his reverie. After he tells Goku that he never intended for him to be his servant, he walks back to the inn. The rain had stopped and Goku trails behind him in silence uncommon for the damn bastard but whatever the silence suit Sanzo's needs. Once they arrive at the inn more bad news awaits him. Some of the rooms had been flooded or the ceiling had cave in due to the rains forcing the innkeeper to ask most guests to double. Hakkai begins the arrangements to double with Sanzo as it is their custom on rainy days and no single rooms available. Goku stands on the hallway while Hakkai goes to bring his stuff, all packed looking at Sanzo with pleading eyes to room with him. Goku even promises to be silent and not to move a muscle if Sanzo just allows him to sleep tonight with him in the same room. Sanzo has no reason to deny him his request after all Goku had proven that he could be quiet during their silent walk.

When Sanzo tells Hakkai that he should room with Goyjo instead, Hakkai only smiles and without another word turns towards Goyjo's room. Sanzo then enters his room and sees Goku finishing placing some blankets on the floor next to the bed and falling on his stomach clutching the pillow. He smirks and takes the Maten scriptures off his shoulders placing them on the night stand. Then removing the top part of his robes, he drops them to hang carelessly midriff on his waist. Standing in front of the large window, Sanzo just gives a quick glance towards where Goku lays and lights a cigarette. Goku does not stir or makes a sound. So he thinks the kid must be fast asleep; he finishes the cigarette while Goku's hurting words echoes in his mind, _"If I knew it was going to be like this when I got out, I would've asked you to leave me there"__16_

Sanzo decides to call it a night and goes to sleep as soon as his head touches the pillow, the rain starts again. He sighs and shuts his eyes hoping to sleep through without the nightmares, or Goku's voice echoing. It is odd, the monkey is not snoring. Sanzo knows Goku snores loud one of the many reasons he prefers to room with Hakkai rather than his noisy companion. Today sure is turning to be a strange day. Rain is never good news for Sanzo. It had been just a couple of minutes or maybe longer drowsiness had taken hold of Sanzo when he feels Goku kneeling before him placing his arms over the bed as he rests his head on them. Sanzo is not able to see all of this because he is facing the wall but he can feel Goku's movements. Goku is just there staring at him probably in a contemplative mood; arms folded resting on the bed and his head just on top of them. Sanzo is too tired to say anything or do anything after all the monkey is not disturbing him. He had kept his part of the bargain to be silent; he had said too he would not move a muscle but that is just plain stupid. He needs to move he is alive for God's sake not death.

Sanzo's limbs are heavy like lead sleep just tantalizing him no nightmares yet, the moment Goku has move his echoing voice had stopped drilling in his head as well as the dripping rain. Sanzo knows it is still raining but the sound has disappeared from his head as well as Goku's voice and hurting words. It is silent at last sweet, beautiful silence. The awareness of Goku's staring latent on his nape. Finally Goku begins to move again his fingers advancing towards the back of Sanzo with unsure and fearful movements. Sanzo feels the new stirrings but he does not sense any danger emanating from Goku so he just lets it be. Goku's fingers finally reach Sanzo's strands of hair and let them rest there. After a few minutes he grows bold and begins to caress Sanzo's hair. Sanzo only stirs but he does nothing to stop Goku playfulness. He is too tired and the silence so inviting and sleep almost within his grasp no nightmares as of yet.

Goku's playfulness continue growing on confidence fingers twisting, combing, caressing with soft and firm movements then Sanzo feels Goku moving forward almost dipping the bed with his weight but it is only to bring his face closer to Sanzo's hair. Sanzo feels his body stiffing for a moment then relaxing again into his slumbering drowsiness. Goku smells no, he sniffs his hair just like the damn monkey he is.

Then Sanzo's eyes fly open, "You chew, I kill you"

Goku is thrown aback by Sanzo's sudden movement and snappy statement landing on his ass on top of the pillow laying on the floor, "Sanzo, you're awake!"

"Tsz!" Sanzo hisses adding, "What do you think, you are doing?"

"Touching your hair" Goku replies now kneeling again besides the bed.

Sanzo turns around shooting daggers at Goku with his Amethyst-violet eyes; he does not felt like getting up he is still tired all his muscles in the brink of snapping into thousands of shards for all the tension engulfing Sanzo's body.

"You want me to kick your ass all the way to Goyjo's room"

"I wasn't making any noise. I was silent until you spoke."

"Well stopped whatever you're doing is annoying" at this Sanzo turns back to face the wall.

"Sanzo!"

"Go to sleep!"

"You asked me, why I was here?"

Sanzo now is fully awake with every cell of his body on the brink of snapping, maybe exploding into tiny little pieces. It sure is a strange day; no it has to be the rain always the stupid rain. "I already told you I was angry. Now go to sleep. We're leaving early tomorrow."

However, Goku still kneeling besides the bed goes back to the business of playing with Sanzo's hair, "Homura got me thinking."

Sanzo grits his teeth as his jaw tightens even further if that is possible.

"He told me that I cling to you because you validate me. And that's not true, I know who I am and all the things I am capable of. Hell, I know I'm capable of making a living for myself if need be. But"

"But, what?" Sanzo snaps since when has Goku become so coherent and self assured. Well if true be told, he had notice Goku's self assurance growing with each battle they fought. How he becomes more and more arrogant as he demonstrates his strength and fighting skills except of late with Homura and his companions meddling on their lives. Every time, they confront the Gods, Goku is just a little unsure but still he does his best to hide it and appears bold.

Goku clears his throat just like if something is stuck on the middle and adds, "But you are my sun. You're the reason I exist because without you this world has no life, no color. I know that you let me out of my prison to show me a world brighter than the sun but without the sun all the brightness of the world will be gone."

"Nonsense!"

"I know if you were to run me out of your life, if you decided that I'm a nuisance you're no longer willing to put up with, I can survive on my own but the world will lose its flavor, its color all the brightness, I will be living without being alive because you are my reason to live. So, I'm here because without you my world will be dull, devoid of color or life just like when I was back on my rock prison."

Sanzo feels a pang something clawing his insides. Goku knows the difference between someone validating your life and someone giving you a reason to live for. He is well aware about that too. His master had been his reason to live to accept the ugliness of the world, the hypocrisy of the monks at the temple and when he was murder those Yukais murderer him too. He knows about living like an empty shell to. He set out to take revenge on those who murderer his master and to recover the Seiten Scriptures, but he is only going through the motions of living from some sense of duty to his beloved mentor. And now Goku confirms a similar relationship between the two of them; although, Sanzo is sure that his master did not harbor any sexual desires for him like he is experiencing for Goku. They did not have the Goddess of Mercy destiny crap bullshit attached to them.

"Sanzo!"

"What?"

"I'm sorry I almost chew on your hair but it smells so delicious just like roasted almonds, and it feels so silky and it's so shiny. I just wanted to see if it really tasted like almonds."

"Idiot! It smells like almonds because I used almond oil to keep it soft and shinny and I doubt it taste like them."

With a rapid movement, Goku sniffs Sanzo's entire body.

"What the heck? Now what are you doing stupid monkey?" Sanzo almost jumps out of bed with Goku's sudden and unexpected move.

"Why do you smell like sugar, almonds, and cigarettes?" Goku clasps Sanzo's right hand tight on his, holding it up to his nose.

Sanzo pulls his hand out Goku's clasp to retrieve his cigarettes from under his robe. He lights up his cigarette then moves to sit at the windowsill as he watches the rain pouring down. Goku stands still waiting for the ever present paper fan or at least the pistol to make its menacing appearance. Once he sees Sanzo settling on the windowsill, he relaxes and moves to stand behind Sanzo's placing his forehead on the back of Sanzo's head while his arms rest on Sanzo's shoulders.

Sanzo takes a long drag from his cigarette then adds, "I smell like cigarettes because my robes are already impregnated with the scent since I smoke like a chimney no matter how much amount of other nice scents Hakkai tries to smother my clothes with. The sugar and almond scent is because again I smother myself with a concoction of sweet almonds oil and sugar to keep my skin supple."

Goku moves away from Sanzo and begins to scratch his head as he says, "Su, what?"

Sanzo smirks and continues, "Supple, however that it is not the correct word. I used it because I like it. Do not give yourself an aneurism Goku? It helps keep my skin soft and moisture besides I like to smell good too."

Goku now smiles wide and goes to sit in front of Sanzo as he continues, "Sanzo, could you show me how to use it too, so I can smell nice like you."

Sanzo eyes widen as he looks at Goku, hell will freeze over before he allows Goku to change his natural scent. He loves the musky earthly scent that emanates from Goku like that of vetiver oil. No like he had been sniffing Goku the way the stupid monkey had done to him but whenever Goku brushes pass him or the air stirs the vetiver scent engulfs Sanzo's nostrils. At first, he thought it was because Goku had been imprison on that mountain for so long he smelled like that but then the damped earthly scent was replace by the musky or sweet-woody earthly scent of vetiver. Sanzo later finds out that according to Goku's moods it is the pungent musky earthly scent or the sweet-woody earthly scent.

"No"

"Why not? I want to smell good too, just like you or Hakkai or even Goyjo."

"Certainly not, especially not Goyjo's"

"But, Sanzo!"

"Enough with your nonsense, I am tired and I want to sleep." Sanzo stands up and goes to take his place on the bed.

Goku follows him and climbs onto the bed when Sanzo speaks, "What do you think you're doing?"

"Going to sleep, the bed is big enough for the two of us besides the floor is too hard, cold, and water is coming in from that leaking ceiling."

Goku does point out to Sanzo the leaking ceiling; however, Sanzo never turns around to confirm just moves forward towards the wall. He will be damned if the monkey would throw him out of the bed if someone shall fall it would be Goku not him. At this Goku worms himself into Sanzo's side and begins to play with his hair while falling asleep. Sanzo only closes his eyes realizing one thing the rain is no longer a pounding, drilling, dripping sound in his head but just a background noise. He enjoys the calming effect Goku's playfulness exudes and gives him; it is like a long forgotten lullaby not like anyone had ever sang a lullaby to him but he had seen it done to other children during stormy nights, or after waking up from a nightmare.

Sanzo sleeps soundless for the first time since he can remember especially during a rainy night. No nightmares appeared on his dreams, except Goku's well tone and tanned muscles. He is chopping wood outside the Temple's compound while Sanzo read his newspaper sitting down under the peaches tree. The air stirs bringing Goku's sweet-earthly scent to Sanzo's way while he pretends to be reading. He is just indulging on watching Goku's every move and then from time to time Goku would turned his way and smile wide looking at him adoringly with his Golden-Amber eyes.

Sanzo wakes up to an empty bed the blankets on the floor sat folded on the chair next to the coffee table. He then goes about his business to dress and to check out of the inn. When he goes outside and sees Goku's smiling face sitting already on the jeep, he sends the monkey to buy him kelp pickles and frozen mandarin-oranges.

"Hakkai! How long till we stop for lunch? I am hungry." Goku asks while leaning on the back seat of the jeep, he watches the world pass by with his head hanging upside down.

Sanzo snaps out of his memories once again but for a change Goku is bugging Hakkai.

"I say like an hour or two. It depends when we find a good shaded spot to rest."

Goku now straightens and leans forward to whisper on Sanzo's ear, "How is your headache Sanzo?"

"Yeah! Monk feeling better" Goyjo interjects finishing with, "quiet time is over."

"Shut the fuck up or I kill you"

"I take that as I yes" Hakkai adds smiling while shifting gears and continuing driving forward to the West.

Goku leans back smiling content he had decided to pay more attention and learn to pick his battles better. Yesterday Sanzo demonstrated that he wants him in his life after all Sanzo had come looking for him not once but twice now; first while he was imprison on that horrible mountain and yesterday when Homura kidnapped him for a couple of hours. Goku had been allowed to sleep next to the beautiful blond that smells like roasted almonds and looks like the sun. So, no matter how much Sanzo yells at him or springs that horrible paper fan or menacing vanishing gun, he knows Sanzo would not vanish him from his life and Goku would make sure he would not be that much of a nuisance to Sanzo. Later, he would convince Sanzo to show him how to smell nice like him maybe then he would be allowed to be his roommate always instead of Hakkai.

"Yeah!"

"What are you babbling about monkey?" Goyjo turns to ruffle Goku's hair.

"I am hungry!"

"You're always hungry; you sound like a broken record?" Goyjo makes a show of looking for something under Goku's underarms.

"Hey! Watch it, you pervert water sprite"

"Don't you have something else recorded on that brain of your besides I'm hungry, pervert water-sprite or cockroach."

"Yeah! Your breath smell like ass and your hair looks like shit, dull cockroach."

"You should talk stupid monkey. You smell like a sewer rat. And for your information the ladies like the way I smell. About my hair, you must know that it's the envy of many ladies. I have gorgeous hair unlike you stupid."

"Whatever, I don't think your lady friends are too thrilled with your cockroach's antennas"

"One more word out of either one and I kill you both"

"Wow! The monk has spoken"

"Hey! Leave Sanzo alone he has a headache"

"Now, now, I think we are approaching a good resting area."

**TBC**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the characters of Saiyuki which totally and unashamedly appear on this fan fiction. They are the product of Kazuya Minekura's wonderful imagination. However, the plot is totally my selfish desired to get some romantic thrills which are only alluded to or implied on her creative work.

**Author's Notes: **The following story is based on Saiyuki anime, English version of course, and has transcribed references. I insert endnotes to indicate the episode from which I borrowed the dialogued. I humbly hope Kazuya Minekura will forgive me for borrowing her inspiration while my intention is not to plagiarize her work I need some of the dialogue to construct a solid foundation for my love story starring of course our beautiful boys from Saiyuki. While this inner journey takes place during episode 39 _Misty Rain_, it started from the moment Sanzo extended his hand to help Goku escape his rock prison and will go beyond episode 50 _Alone_ and will not touch whatsoever on Saiyuki Reload or Saiyuki Reload Gunlock. After episode 50, I will have a totally different story. I hope you like it.

Endnotes 1 through 16 _Saiyuki_, Ep. 39 _Misty Rain_


	2. Basking In The Sun

Leaning against the sandalwood tree that provides an excellent shade, Sanzo sits to enjoy a smoke. It is a beautiful sunny day after the rains especially after yesterday's weirdness. Closing his eyes Sanzo replay's the little episode where Goku almost chew on his hair and then the sniffing of his body. Goku is certainly changing in front of Sanzo's eyes; he is no longer the scrawny little monkey he picked up years ago from that solitary mountain. Goku is no longer the unruly child the monks complained so much. Well he certainly is no longer a child, he is after all a 500yrs old demon no, not a demon an earth-creature neither human nor demon born from the earth.

Goku's body is that of an eighteen years old; however, his face revealed that of a little school boy, and his eyes a deep understanding like that of a sage certainly the air of an old soul is there. Sanzo could hear on the distance Goyjo's and Goku's little banter while Hakkai prepares lunch. Even his bantering with Goyjo's has a different edge. When Sanzo first begins to see the subtle changes, he thinks it is just his horny self trying to make excuses for lusting after Goku. However, last night's events left no doubt on Sanzo that it is more than his horniness trying to see Goku growing up.

"Sanzo! Are you okay?" Goku drops to sit next to Sanzo panting. Getting out of Goyjo's strong arm lock was a fun exercise.

"What do you want?" Sanzo hisses without bothering to open his eyes.

"There is a nice stream down below and we are going skinny dipping before lunch, so I was wondering if you want to join us." Goku replies while nuzzling Sanzo's hair.

"Stop it! You are annoying me."

"Mmm! Roasted Almonds, yummy and delicious."

"Idiot!"

Goku now springs to his feet and offers Sanzo his hand for support, "Are you coming?"

Sanzo snaps Goku's hand with his paper fan flicking his cigarette to extinguish it. He stands up on his own and starts to walk towards the other two. Goku only shrugs and massages his sore hand but do not lose his wide smile.

While they walk to join the others, Goku adds, "Sanzo, are you going to let me use your skin concoction after the swim."

"No"

"Why not?"

"You don't need it."

"Goyjo says I smell like a sewer rat when my skin gets wet. I don't want to smell like an animal after the swim."

"Goyjo is wrong."

"Hakkai too says I smell like a wet animal sometimes. I want to smell nice like you or them."

"Both of them are idiots"

"Sanzo"

"No"

Sanzo sighs as he eyes Goku and sees his concern face adding, "You don't smell like an animal. Your scent is earthly it suits you."

Goku looks straight at Sanzo who quickly ignores him choosing to look after Goyjo and Hakkai who had shed their clothes and are already bantering on the stream.

"Why is so wrong for me to want to smell nice?"

"What brought up this sudden change to want to smell different?"

Goku's cheek turns a shade of pinkish-bronze and bowing his head he is torn between telling Sanzo the reason or keeping it a secret. He hates secrets; Goku knows that Sanzo and the others sometimes keep secrets from him but he has never kept any secrets from them well not any big ones any way. He kept it a secret that Sanzo was his sun, but last night he had come clean to Sanzo. Well any secrets he had were always about him and Sanzo, so technically he never keep any secrets from Goyjo and Hakkai and at the end he usually came clean to Sanzo.

Sanzo finds a nice tree with a wonderful shade a few feet away from the stream and the breeze is so refreshing. He takes a seat under the tree and lights up another cigarette while observing Goku's struggling face. The boy sure is changing before his eyes. Goku finally makes a decision and takes a firm step planting himself firm in front of Sanzo who only grunts while smoking his cigarette.

Towering above Sanzo, Goku hesitates, "I was just thinking" then he turns to look at his friends who are calling him and Sanzo to join them waving his hand at them to ask for a moment, he continues, "Maybe if I didn't smell the way I do, you wouldn't mind rooming with me instead of Hakkai whenever." He shuffles his feet without actually looking at Sanzo's expression he is afraid to see something he wouldn't like.

Sanzo hisses closing his eyes then adds, "I prefer Hakkai because you and Goyjo are snoring bastards. I hate noise."

"So, it isn't because I smell."

"No"

"So, you are saying I don't smell bad."

"Tsz"

"Sanzo"

"Go and swim already"

With a wide smile in his face Goku finishes, "What? You aren't coming?"

"I do not swim with idiots."

Goku takes off running shedding his clothes at the same time leaving pieces scattered all over the riverbank. Sanzo could only drink on the beauty of the struggling creature trying to change from an unruly child to a young mature man. Then the voice of the Sanbutsushin rings on his mind. Images of the day he is ordered to go west to investigate on the minus wave and the revival of the Bull-Demon-King, Gyumaoh flood his head. "My lords I have one question to ask if I may? Why have you appointed this three to be my companions they are demons?" Then after some bullshit and learning that it had been the Merciful Goddess who had appointed them to travel with him one of the feminine aspects of the Buddha adds, ()"Things can appear differently if you look with the eyes of the heart." He rebels saying that he does not trust anyone but himself with a smile the feminine aspect finishes, "Confirm that what you believe now is actually true and look with different eyes."

Sanzo ponders on what the feminine aspect of the Buddha meant when two strong pairs of arms lift him from his spot. He flies through the air and splashes cold water as he hits the surface. The join laughter of Goku and Goyjo rings through Sanzo's ears as he stands up soaking wet.

"Idiots! I will kill you for this."

"Oh! Come on droopy eyes don't tell me it wasn't fun." Goyjo splatters more water into Sanzo.

"Sure it was Goyjo. The look in Sanzo's face when he hits the water was priceless." Goku snorts.

"Might as well join us on the swim since you are already wet Sanzo." Hakkai joins Goyjo on the splash.

It sure is one of those lazy sunny afternoons. Sanzo rests his head on the trunk of the Sandalwood tree while his almost dry robes hanged carelessly midriff on his waist exposing his black undergarments. He is smoking relax while a completely naked Goku sleeps on his lap faced down. Sanzo caresses every inch of Goku's bronze-tan, tone lean-muscle, and smooth bare back with his eyes while his left hand fingers entangle on Goku's cooper-brown hair. He rests his eyes on the firm bubble butt and inhales more deeply than usual as he exhales with a slow and steady rhythm. Goku sure smells nice, a soft breeze blows away Sanzo's cigarette smoke leaving a pure unadulterated sweet-woody earthly scent.

"Vetiver" Sanzo whispers to himself

Goku stirs for a moment turning his head away from the stream into Sanzo's abdomen. Sanzo's body stiffens as he feels the hot breath been exhale but soon relaxes. It seems to Sanzo he is getting better at relaxing whenever Goku invades his personal space. He has never allowed any one to touch him. His master used to tell him stories when he was a baby and everyone fuss about him he used to cry with deafening screams soon the monks learned to distinguish his cries for help from his cries of bothersome. He was not a troublesome child. As long as he was fed and changed, he was pretty much quiet but if anyone dared to take him just to fuss like people always do with pretty babies; he would be a demon of a screamer. So, the novelty of having such a beautiful baby at the monastery soon die out and everyone began to turn cold shoulder to him and that was fine. He was a solitary little person after all.

However, everything changes the moment he decides to go and to look for the owner of the voice in his head. Then he makes the mistake to extend his hand to liberate the scrawny creature from his prison from that day forward Goku begins the systematic invasion of his personal space. Finally, he learns to accept this invasion and Goku's impertinence but then the Sanbutsushin call him to the Temple of the Settling Sun, and he is thrown into this trek. Who would ever think that his hormones would kick up after a few weeks on the road with these idiots?

He never gives it a second thought to the importance of human contact with others. His master Kyoumon Sanzo was not the touchy-feelings type. Master Kyoumon Sanzo was a generous person with a loving heart but not prone to hugs and kisses. He would give you warm smiles and encouraging nudges but that was the extent of his human contact. So Sanzo was fine with that it suit his solitary nature. Then when the other kids began to escape from the temple looking for women thrills he look upon them with contempt. He had never seen his master do things like that. He could not remember an instance in which his master had indulged on such carnal desires. He had seen other monks do such things as take women into their quarters or even male boys or grown men but never his master and that suit him even better.

Now his relationship with Goku hangs on the balances precariously because his hormones were going hare wire. Goku stirs once more while his smiled grows wider and he snakes his arms around Sanzo's waist gluing himself into Sanzo's abdomen even further, sighing. Sanzo lights up another cigarette as he eyes Hakkai and Goyjo. After the infamous swim, they come back to have lunch. He just leaves his robes on to dry out and Hakkai dresses again with his perfectly press and dry clothes. Goyjo on the other hand refuses to put his clothes back on, he says that he would enjoy the afternoon to the fullest and would catch a most needed tan. Then the stupid monkey follows Goyjo's lead.

Hakkai is placidly reading with Hakuryu perched on his shoulder while Goyjo languidly lays smoking next to him in nothing but his mischievous smile. How obscene? At least Goku had the decency to lay down on his stomach. Sanzo takes another drag from his cigarette and tightens his grab on Goku's hair provoking a moan from the sleepy young man who in return inches even closer to Sanzo nuzzling on his abdomen sending an electric discharge into his already tense body.

"So, what are you reading so intensely?" Goyjo eyes Hakkai while smoking his cigarette with exaggerated moves.

It seems to Goyjo that his plan to stout his stuff in front of Hakkai is not going as hope. When the monkey had expressed his desired to go for a swim, Goyjo had added the simple twist to do it skinny dipping since the monkey had never experience such thrill. But deep in his mind he had already formulated a plan to bring down once for all Hakkai's reserve walls. However, Hakkai had not stir an inch even the fucking monk have shown more emotion with the naked monkey; furthermore, Goyjo had seen the monk checking him out.

"It is a very interesting book about how the five heavenly scriptures were scattered into the confines of earth and why Sanzo's master end up as the guardian of the Seiten and the Maten scriptures." Hakkai answers passively while changing the page.

"Oh!" Goyjo whistles almost uninterested.

Hakkai bites his lips even harder while he chastises himself mentally. He had forgotten to change the page for the past half hour. It has been a very strenuous task to keep himself interested on the book while Goyjo lays besides him wearing nothing but his devilish smile. But thanks to the Gods Goyjo has not noticed, Hakkai had die and gone to heaven when he saw Goyjo naked. It had all started so innocently. First the friends comments that Hakkai and Goyjo acted like a married couple. Always teasing about who was the husband and who was the wife. Then the camaraderie that always surrounded them made it easy to blur the lines between brotherly love and something more. Hakkai first noticed when he began to get uneasy whenever Goyjo decided to spend the night somewhere else or not come home for weeks. He had mentioned once or twice how he would appreciated if Goyjo would be kind enough to let him know if he planned to come home or not so he would not worry about his safety. To his surprise Goyjo had not bitch about it and made it a point to always come home no matter how late it was.

But it did not stop there; Hakkai began to be increasingly jealous about the women Goyjo took to bed, so he mentioned that if Goyjo could let him know when he planned to bring a lady friend to the apartment; he would leave so Goyjo could enjoy more privacy and come back at an appointed time. Still Goyjo just accepted his manipulative ways and stopped bringing women to the apartment, Hakkai felt guilty about how easy it was for the red-head half-breed demon to comply to his obviously selfish demands after all the apartment was Goyjo's. Hakkai had only stumbled into the ruby-red eye demon's life one rainy night. Goyjo had looked after him until he was almost recovered from all his physical injuries without asking any questions or wanting anything in return.

"So how long is this book?" Goyjo takes Hakkai's book away from him and leaf through it.

Goyjo feels annoyed at the fact that the fucking book could hold a stronger spell on Hakkai than his perfectly tone and lean-muscle body. He has been more than patience with the man to give him the time of day. He is not exactly thrill with the fact that he craves so much for Hakkai's attention and affection. He wrestled with the idea of lusting after Hakkai for more than two years. He has done everything in his power to convince himself that he harbors no sexual feelings for Hakkai. First he has gone like a mad bull after any women he could possible think of, then when Hakkai expressed his uneasiness for his safety, he just cut down on the number of women in his life bringing home one or two on occasion that promised to obliterate Hakkai's increasing mental image; however, the moment Hakkai suggested that he would be happy to give him more privacy he went cold turkey an no more women were brought to their apartment. Yes, their apartment Hakkai always spoke about being Goyjo's apartment but to Goyjo it was theirs. If true be told the apartment was more Hakkai's than his, Hakkai was the one who always kept everything under control from the housekeeping to the maintenance chores. All there is left for Goyjo to do was to come home to be feed and be clad on clean clothes and of course to bring the bacon.

Although, even on the money matters, Hakkai has complete control, at first Goyjo has the burden to come up with money to pay the bills and since his winnings were so unreliable, been a gambler was not the most secure job in the planet, Hakkai sets out to find a job as a school teacher. So, for the past three years Goyjo and Hakkai have share his apartment and after the jokes began to circulate about Goyjo and Hakkai being a couple it changed to be their apartment. It never bothered Goyjo his friends jokes well now their friends jokes. It was amusing. So when Hakkai begins to do his little requests it came natural to Goyjo to comply. Goyjo admits that he lusts after Hakkai only and that Hakkai is the only man he is interested on. He even went to the extreme to experiment with other men just to make sure, and ever since Goyjo has spent countless nights dreaming that Hakkai will give him the time of day.

After Goyjo sees how Homura's kidnapping of Goku have affected both the monk and the monkey, he decides that he would have to tell Hakkai about his feelings. He only knows how to seduce women never interested in seducing men even during his little experiment the men have had the hots for him, so he had no need to seduce them. However, Hakkai is a different matter, he tries the direct approach and he is being ignored.

"It's about 2000 pages." With a plastic smile, Hakkai tries in vain to get his book back without invading Goyjo's personal space too much.

Hakkai gives up on the challenge to get his book back from Goyjo's hands and turns to feed Hakuryu some lunch leftovers as he continues, "Why? Are you interested on reading it?"

Goyjo sighs in frustration it is no fun to keep a book that his owner has no intentions on getting back. Damn.

"No! It seems like a boring book. There are no pictures of naked ladies." Goyjo feigns boredom and returns the book to Hakkai.

Hakkai faintly smiles taking his book back and glancing over to where Sanzo and Goku rest, at least someone is relax oblivious to carnal desires. He then places the book back into his backpack; it is obvious that while Goku is sleeping Goyjo is bored and he needs someone to pass the time with. So with a neutral expression Hakkai starts to pick up the remains of their lunch and to put everything away leisure time is definitely over for him and Goyjo.

"The sun is setting. I am afraid we would have to camp here. It is such a beautiful spot and so far no Yukais had been spotted." Hakkai speaks with natural fluency.

"Sounds good to me! What about the monk? Think, he'll like the idea?"

"I am afraid he has not much of a choice. Want to go and ask?"

"Hell, no! At least not yet."

Hakkai continues with his self-impose chores with a smile and control movements to appear natural and unnerve by Goyjo's erotic posture. Goyjo is still laying on his back one leg stretch all the way long and the other planted on the ground. He uses his right arm as a cushioning support for his head while his left arm falls parallel to the length of his body carelessly resting above his abdomen as if almost touching his pubic hair. Goyjo's long red-hair is pulled back by his right hand and his cigarette dangles dangerously from his mouth with his fiery ruby-red eyes fix in some point.

Hakkai finally settles down on Goyjo's right side in a half sitting position supporting himself upright with his left elbow, left leg stretch like Goyjo's and his right foot planted on the ground. He was wearing his usual beige Kakis and military green long sleeves slant on his right shoulder buttoned shirt. His short black hair almost covers his emerald-green eyes while his right eye monocle helps him keep his serene composure. It is hard to keep all those raging emotions and desires to be all over that perfect swimmers body that makes Goyjo so proud of his looks in check. Damn. Keeping his monocle in place provides him with enough distraction as not to succumb and devour every inch of Goyjo's exquisite physique. He is sure his emerald eyes are blazing with desire. He only hopes no one notices.

"Is it just me, or it is actually getting chilly?" Hakkai asks innocently hoping that Goyjo would get the hint and get dress; otherwise, he is not sure if he could endure any more torture of seeing Goyjo naked without exploring every inch of his body.

"Nah! It's just perfect." Goyjo replies as he glances over Hakkai.

"Hey! Hakkai does it bother you that I am naked."

Hakkai stiffens a little. Has he been that obvious? And here he thought he was being sly, "No. Why should it bother me?" He smiles even wider adding, "As long as you are comfortable with yourself, besides you are not the only naked man in our little group."

At this Hakkai turns to look at Sanzo and Goku to distract himself from the magnetic force emanating from Goyjo's body.

Damn. Goyjo is becoming irritated with Hakkai's emotionless attitude. So he continues, "Don't tell me you have the hots for our little monk...ey?"

"Why you mean I have the hots for Goku?" Hakkai now sits up straight adopting a lotus position meditation always comes on handy when one is on the verge to lose control.

"Well, I have caught you looking at him already twice and since you mentioned that he is naked too." Goyjo pushes.

A terrifying thought assaults Goyjo, what if Hakkai has the hots for the monk? He has seen the way Hakkai always pushes himself to the limit to save Sanzo. After him Sanzo is the only other man Hakkai has always room with as a matter of fact ever since they started this fucking trip Hakkai has been only rooming with the monk while he is stuck with the monkey. Furthermore, the monk always rides on the front of the jeep and he and Goku are thrown to the back. It is not like the monk is of any help to Hakkai the fucker does not know how to drive. He should be Hakkai's co-pilot at least he knows how to drive.

"Do not be silly Goyjo. I have to admit that Goku is slowly becoming a beautiful man. He is going to give you a run for your money Goyjo, with the ladies." Hakkai laughs nervously as he adds, "But, I guess you don't have to worry about that because Goku only have eyes for Sanzo. If only Sanzo…." Hakkai trails off as he gets lost on thought.

Goyjo does a double take between the picture perfect of the naked Goku laying on Sanzo's lap and Sanzo's dreamy smoking demeanor and Hakkai's trailing off look. Was Hakkai in love with the monkey then? He could understand Hakkai falling in love with the monk but Goku, the monkey was a nuisance, a scrawny little boy.

"Well, I did not know you were into pedophilia?" Goyjo spats jumping to his feet.

Hakkai feels the sudden coldness emanating from Goyjo and is brought back from his thoughts. He catches sight of Goyjo's bare back as he walks towards the place where his clothes are folded. Hakkai had picked up Goku's and Goyjo's clothes, like little children they had scattered their clothes all over the riverbank before jumping into the stream and once they had got out none of them had made an attempt to pick them up.

Hakkai feels like he has been punch in his stomach. Goyjo started this conversation as a joke but now that he thought the possibility that Hakkai might harbor feelings for someone of his same sex Goyjo had been disgusted with him. It is too much for Hakkai to bear. He knows Goyjo would never look at him other than a good dear friend and maybe the one to help him keep his life in check. Goyjo is terrible at taking care of himself always living on the moment and never thinking of the future or consequences. However, Hakkai could endure Goyjo's womanizing ways as long as he always comes home to him, but now what would Hakkai do if Goyjo despises him? Hakkai decides that now than ever he has to be strong and hide his true feelings for Goyjo. For a minute he got lost in thought dreaming that he and Goyjo were that picture perfect pose. He wished that just like Sanzo would realized one day that he and Goku were destined to be together, Goyjo would wise up and maybe return Hakkai's feelings. However, Hakkai now sees the impossibility of that happening. He sighs as he struggles to suppress all his angst to be cheery for Goyjo.

"Hey, droopy eyes we're camping here tonight."

"I figure as much." Sanzo replies without opening his eyes damn water-sprite and he was having such a wonderful dream.

"Hey, you monkey wake-up, you little bastard." Goyjo now kicks Goku on the ribs with his boots. He is dress and ready to punch someone. Damn, Hakkai.

"Watch it. If you kick me I kill you."

"Then wake-up your little monkey, Sanzo. We have to gather some firewood before the last rays of sunlight disappear."

"Just watch where you kick." Sanzo lets go of Goku's hair and begins to straighten his robes while Goku stirs up on his lap.

"Wow! Is it dinner time?" Goku asks as he opens up his eyes to look at a pair of amethyst irritated eyes gazing down.

With a wide smile he continues, "I was having the most wonderful dream."

"Did it involve food? Get up and you tell me all about your perverted fantasy while we gathered firewood. We're camping here tonight."

"Yeah! Sweet roasted almonds." Goku never lets go of Sanzo's irritated gaze.

"Idiot!" Sanzo now pushes Goku off his lap and in a graceful leap gets to his feet adding, "Get dressed"

Goku lays on the ground for a few seconds then pushes himself off catching the bundle of clothes Goyjo throws at him. Sanzo has already joined Hakkai.

"Wow! It must have been quite a dream." Goyjo makes a double take as he sees Goku's erect pennies; the boy packs quite a gun.

"Eh!" Goku's gaze follows Goyjo's stare and feels his face get hot turning a pinkish-cooper color. He then dresses in a hurry avoiding Goyjo's eyes.

"So, was it a brunette or a blond? I prefer green eyes brunettes but that's me."

"Blond" Goku answers with a stupid grin plaster in his face.

"Figures always the dumb blond"

"Hey! Sanzo is not dumb." Goku's hand flies a second too late to guard his mouth.

Goyjo just starts to walk and Goku follows in silent. They start to gather the dry wood and the silence stretches.

"Is it wrong?" Goku stops gathering the wood and fixes his gaze on Goyjo.

"Who am I to judge?" Goyjo then punches Goku on the ribs playfully adding, "Besides the one you have to worry about is Sanzo. I don't think that the twisted monk is into monkeys."

"I'm not a monkey"

"So, have you masturbated before?"

"What's that?"

"Don't tell me it's your first erection."

Goku cannot help himself but get hotter from the face and look down. Goyjo now drops all the wood he has collected and grabs Goku on a bear hug and in an exaggerated display of emotion with fake tears and all says to no one in particular, "Our little monkey is growing"

Then signals Goku to drop the wood too, once Goku is free of the wood Goyjo grabs Goku's right hand saying, "Goku meet your new best friend."

"What do you mean?"

"What I mean my dear monkey than unless droopy eyes is into monkeys from now on this hand is going to shake the bird for you." Goyjo laughs at the confused face of Goku and makes it his duty to introduce the little monkey into the art of masturbation informing him also of all the painfulness involved if he dares to neglect the little bird that used to lay sleeping between his legs.

"Took you long enough" Sanzo grumbles at the sight of Goyjo and Goku dropping the wood at his feet.

"Well monk, Goku and I had important and urgent business to attend and there is a full moon and the fishes flopping on the stream singing to us that we couldn't help it but be delay."

Sanzo continues sipping some sake then adds, "You better not be putting any perverted ideas on Goku's mind."

"Jealous much!" Goyjo grins while serving himself some sake too.

"Don't be an idiot. Why would I be jealous of you?"

"I don't know. Maybe for popping the cherry before you."

"Tsz!" Sanzo hisses as he sips more sake.

"Now, now children behave. Goku please grab the supplies bag for me so I can prepare dinner."

"Here Hakkai! So, where are the cherries I want some too?"

Sanzo now shakes his head cupping his hands on his face as he hisses, "Idiot!"

The four men continue bantering while dinner is served. It is around midnight when Goyjo excuses himself because he has urgent business to attend then winking at Goku adds, "Remember Goku what I said about the sleeping bird."

Goku's eyes widen but he says nothing. Hakkai starts to clear the dishes and packed for the morning while the fire begins to die down. Goku stands up and walks away towards Goyjo's tent.

"Where do you think you are going?"

"To sleep, I'm beat. We didn't fight any demons today but still I'm tired; although, it feels like a good kind of tiredness."

"You are no longer sleeping with Goyjo. I do not trust him."

Goku's face illuminates with a devilish smile, "Really!"

Sanzo is reminded of Goyjo's and with a swift move he gets up and catches with a dazed Goku hitting him on the head with his paper fan, "Do not get any perverted ideas in your head Goku!"

"Well, Goyjo it seems we're going to be sharing rooms again!" Hakkai greets Goyjo inside the tent with a hint of nervousness.

"Well, well the twisted monk finally shows his true colors." Goyjo then clear a space in his sleeping bag and patting on it adds, "Make yourself comfortable comrade."

Hakkai only smiles mildly amused getting his own sleeping bag ready. Goyjo then turns his back on Hakkai irritated and without any more ceremonies begins to stroke his shaft. Hakkai is no stranger to masturbation so quietly he begins to match Goyjo's furious strokes at least he has that.

"Sanzo"

"What?"

"What did you mean when you said that the earthly scent suit me?"

"Don't be a nuisance and get ready to go to sleep"

Goku changes into his usual boxers and t-shirt while Sanzo takes off his soiled robes and as he is about to strip down his black undergarments he finds Goku standing still staring at him at which he snaps, "Turn around"

"Why?"

"Because, I say so."

"It isn't like I don't know how the male body looks like."

"Not mine!"

Goku sighs and turns around with a devilish smile forming on his lips. Yeah! Like I cannot use my imagination, I already know how you smell like and the color of your skin. Sanzo finishes changing and he adds, "Go to sleep now!"

Goku places his sleeping bag besides Sanzo's who turns to face him their noses almost touching by the proximity, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to sleep"

"There is plenty of room, move away."

"Yeah! But you smell the strongest here."

"Go and smell something else." Sanzo says it with a dismissing tone turning to face the opposite direction of Goku.

"I don't want to smell anything else."

"You better not snore or I kick your ass outside"

**TBC**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the characters of Saiyuki which totally and unashamedly appear on this fan fiction. They are the product of Kazuya Minekura's wonderful imagination. However, the plot is totally my selfish desired to get some romantic thrills which are only alluded to or implied on her creative work.

**Author's Notes: **The following story is based on Saiyuki anime English version of course and has transcribed references which will appear of course with () to signal the borrowed dialogued from Episode 01 (Go to the West), Episode 29 (Unexpected Defeat), Episode 39 (Misty Rain), and Episode 50 (Alone). I humbly hope Kazuya Minekura will forgive me for borrowing her inspiration while my intention is not to plagiarize her work I need some of the dialogue to construct a solid foundation for my love story starring of course our beautiful boys from Saiyuki. While this inner journey takes place during episode 39 (Misty Rain), it started from the moment Sanzo extended his hand to help Goku escape his rock prison and will go beyond episode 50 (Alone) and will not touch whatsoever on Saiyuki Reload or Saiyuki Reload Gunlock. After episode 50, I will have a totally different story. I hope you like it.


	3. Another Life

"What a mess!" Sanzo whispers to himself as he relishes the feel of Goku's hot breath on the back of his neck.

Removing Goku's hand from his waist, Sanzo gets out of his sleeping bag and searches for his cigarettes stepping out of the camping tent. Goku snores loud so Sanzo knows the kid would not wake-up anytime soon. Glancing once more toward the sleeping body snuggling further into his own sleeping bag, Sanzo walks towards the stream down below. Once he locates the tree where he sat earlier admiring the view of Goku getting naked while running towards the water, he lights another cigarette sitting down while the warm night breeze caresses his face blowing his golden hair. The full moon illuminates the entire area with an ethereal silvery light.

()"Things can appear differently if you look with the eyes of the heart" The voice of the feminine aspect of the Buddha rings on his mind once more.

"What do you mean?" Sanzo asks loud enough to no one in particular.

Then carefully he removes a small black-velvet satchel from under his garments and weights it carefully on his hand. He looks at it for a few seconds then playfully turns it around in his hand like one does a worry-stone. He fixes his eyes on the stream observing the fishes jumping to the surface from time to time. Damn.

He turns to look back at the small bag and opens it up carefully dumping its contents on the ground so they do not scatter too far from him. Many unstring beads roll onto the ground, he looks at them and with his fingers carefully picks one. He observes the ruby bead and turning it around he can see the dry blood still clinging to some parts. He drops the bead back with the rest and jumps to his feet as he pulls his clothes off. He then runs to the stream and jumps into the water swimming vigorously. He swims like that for a few more minutes; then he turns around to float for awhile as he fixes his sight on the bright full moon hanging on the sky like a silver-plate.

He remembers the story his master told him about how he found him. He said that he heard a voice in his head so loud that he had to go to investigate to whom the voice belong to. He had found the reed basket floating on the river close to the temple. "You know who was inside that basket Kouryuu. It was you crying so loud then without thinking I pick you up and brought you to the temple." After a pause, his master looked him on the eye and said, "Once I retrieve the basket from the river the voice went quiet and you quieted too. You were wearing nothing but…" Taking his ruby prayer beads on his hands added, "These ruby prayer beads around your neck. So you own nothing Kouryuu but this prayer beads and a reed basket."

The same prayer beads he gave Shuei long ago. Sanzo continues swimming but this time with more leisure strokes. The image of Sanzo killing Rikudo, certainly he was no longer sweet nature Shuei, flashes through Sanzo's mind. Why did I pick-up those beads? As Sanzo submerges under the water, he relieves that day. While Sanzo recovers from almost been asphyxiated by Rikudo, he sees the prayer beads exploding scattering all over the place and then he knows that finally the fuda that hold the Curse of Araya has obliterate the last remaining breath of Shuei. Sanzo then has no more qualms about shooting Rikudo.

He is tempted to leave the bloody beads to rotten just like Rikudo's body but something forced him to pick up every single one. He remembers having a hell of a time hunting for the fucking beads until he makes sure every single bead is again in his possession. He does not wash the blood from them just place them on that satchel and almost forgets about them if only for the reason that every time he changes his clothes he has to reattach them into his inner belt. Those beads where the only thing that remind him he had a past. Who were his parents? He had to come from somewhere. Where they poor? Buddha's devotees? Why were those ruby prayer beads the only thing found on him?

He finally gets tired of swimming and gets out of the water as he dresses he makes a decision. He would wash the beads and restrung them. So he collects all of the beads and washes them on the stream. It is probably around two in the morning when Sanzo finds himself working on stringing the beads.

"There!" He says satisfied of his work.

"Now, what?" He holds them as if to pray and scolding adds, "Stupid! Never prayed in my life before."

Sanzo places the prayer beads back on the satchel and lights another cigarette. He has not smoked since he went for the swim. While he is not sleepy or tired, he feels an oppressing pain on his chest. He could not put his finger on the reason for the feeling. However, it certainly is making him edgy. It is different it is not like when he is hunted by his nightmares. No, the oppression is different like if he is running out of time to do something important. It is like his life depends on his action but he has no idea what kind of action he must to take. Damn.

()"Things can appear differently if you look with the eyes of the heart," echoes in Sanzo's mind.

"What the fuck is that suppose to mean?" Sanzo voices irritated.

Then his last encounter with the Merciful Goddess flashes in his mind.

She grabs him from his sleep and transports him outside the inn where Sanzo and his companions had stayed a couple of weeks ago. Then after she reminds him of some kiss sharing bullshit, he confirms what the Sanbutsushin have already told him.

()"It was you. You make me take Goyjo, Hakkai, and Goku on this trek didn't you"

()"You bet. Aren't they so much fun?"

()"They're a pain on the ass, I could've finish this task without them by now"

()"I suppose that's true but you see I have love the four of you for such a long, long time, I couldn't leave any one behind"

Then he remembers firing his gun on the fucking hag, ()"Die you damn hag!" But as it is expected not a scratch.

()"You haven't changed a bit. Haven't you"

()"So, Tell me what you want lady?"

()"I thought I reminded you of something"

()"What's that?"

()"The one important lesson your master Kyoumon Sanzo passed down to you to hold nothing"

()"If you meet the Buddha kill the Buddha, if you meet your father kill your father, free of everything you are bound by nothing, live the life that is giving to you. I can never forget those words."

()"Is that so, then I am proud of you. The road you travel upon will only become more treacherous as you go and believe me the time will come when only that teaching will provide you with the hope you need to carry on, never forget. Don't disappoint me. Watching you four boys is the only entertainment I can count on these days?"

She then fades into the distance and as he is about to go back inside the inn she materializes again saying, "I almost forgot Konzen Douji you're running out of time. If you don't break the seal soon, you won't fulfill your destiny. It would be such a shame that Son Goku does become the prince of war and his sun instead of becoming a God dies." And with that she leaves laughing.

"What a load of crap?" Sanzo replies but she has already disappeared.

Sanzo now feels almost asphyxiating like if some invisible hand is crushing him. After some struggle he is able to suppress the feeling, and he looks around. Is there some hidden enemy he had not noticed? However, Sanzo does not sense any other presence except for the silence and the warm breeze stirring the leaves.

"What a load of crap?" He grabs another cigarette and lights it up.

"Who the fuck is messing with my head?" He yells but no one answers him.

He smoothes his hair and then takes out the prayer beads again. He starts to play with them. To whom am I suppose to pray? I do not believe in any one but myself. I do not give a damn about any Gods or the Buddha. I only became a Sanzo because that was my master's last wish.

Sanzo then yells holding his prayer beads up, "Master Kyoumon Sanzo is the only one I believed on. He was real. Did you hear me?"

"I will be damn if I die before I complete my task. I will recover the Seiten scriptures and avenged his death." Sanzo then bows down bringing the prayer beads to his forehead. He does not care if he dies afterwards. He does not give a shit if he lives or dies after he completes his task. Then Goku's face flashes on his mind.

"Goku!" He whispers.

Then a stirring on the wind, "Will you give up Goku?"

"No" Sanzo is surprise by his own answer.

Where did the voice come from? Was it a voice or something else? Did he imagine it? No, the voice came from within. It is a voice inside his head. It is his own voice but different. It has a different ring to it. Then he feels the silent tears rolling down his cheeks. The sadness is unbearable.

Sanzo now looks up at the moon and says, "No, I will not give up Goku not now not ever. I will not die."

His tears fall into the prayer beads that begin to glow with a silvery light exploding into a bright golden light seconds later. Sanzo thinks for a moment that his hands have been burnt but no they are perfectly fine; however, no prayer beads are found anywhere.

"It was about time!" The Merciful Goddess materializes next to Sanzo.

"What the fuck?" Sanzo stands on his feet in a graceful fluid movement pointing his gun at the Merciful Goddess' forehead.

"Konzen, how many times do I have to tell you that you need a bigger gun to impress me?" The Merciful Goddess replies as she walks away towards the riverbank.

"What did just happen? Are you responsible for whatever just happened, old hag?" Sanzo demands without lowering his gun.

Kanzeon Bosatsu speaks as she contemplates the calm stream, "Even if you are my nephew Konzen don't forget that you're speaking to the Merciful Goddess." Then turning to face Sanzo, she adds, "And to answer your questions. I did not do anything. You were the only one capable of breaking the seal."

"What are you talking about?" Sanzo puts away his gun as he sits down again and lights up a cigarette.

The Merciful Goddess joins Sanzo and standing in front of him seductively adds, "I must say. You have me worry for a while giving away your precious memories so carelessly. And to whom to that human who at the end betrayed his own faith."

"If you are talking about Shuei, there were only useless prayer beads." Sanzo spats with out looking at the Merciful Goddess.

"I'm afraid not my dear Konzen" whispering to herself, "your father does have a twisted sense of humor."

The Merciful Goddess bends down forcing Sanzo to look at her and as she cups his face on her slender ivory hands adds, "They were your past life memories. I could not tell you before because I was forbidden by the Buddha after all you were the one who stroke that bargain with him to be reincarnated as a human. You accepted to be stripped down of your memories but because of your lineage they cannot just be obliterated. So they were sealed on those ruby prayer beads that were meant to serve as a protection talisman till you were able to break the seal yourself."

Sanzo slaps the Merciful Goddess hands away from his face and takes a long drag from his cigarette then adds, "If I was a God, why would I want to become a human? You are so full of crap."

The Merciful Goddess stands up brushing her long raven luxurious hair with her left hand as if Sanzo never stroke her. Then she begins to walk with a seductive cadence toward the stream half turning to look at Sanzo she says, "I do hope you have pleasant dreams Konzen Douji." Whispering to herself as she vanishes into thin air, "The Jade Emperor is not the only one keeping secrets or hiding shameful… no, nothing about your father or you is shameful."

Sanzo stands up and walks to the stream to wash his tear-dry face. He is feeling tired all of the sudden. He barely made it to the campsite and almost crawling finds his sleeping bag. His head is on fire, every single cell in his body is pulsing with such intensity that Sanzo wishes to be death.

"Don't fight it son."

"Who the fuck are you?" Sanzo screams on his head while the brightness of the blinding light surrounds the entire universe.

"It is your own fault that your memories are in such disarray. They are just trying to sort themselves out before your mind can take full control of them." The alien voice patiently scolds.

"Show yourself so I can kill you." In his mind Sanzo points his gun; however, the blinding brightness does not allow him to pinpoint the source of the voice.

"Don't you recognize the voice of your own master, your own father Toua Genjo Sanzo the thirty-first."

"Buddha!"

The figure of a Buddha sitting on a lotus position begins to outline against the bright space, and as Sanzo's eyes accustom to the new shadow forming, he can see the Buddha smiling with a fatherly proud gesture.

"Now we both know you cannot kill me with that vanishing gun of yours. The only way you can kill me is if you stop believing on me."

The intensity of the brightness had diminished to a point where Sanzo did not felt his eyes burning. "I only believe on myself and the only master I recognize is Master Kyoumon Sanzo."

Buddha's smile widen as he stands up. His immense stature darkens for a minute the bright universe where Sanzo stood. Then the Buddha assumes a height that is at the same level of Sanzo's. "Konzen, Yes, Konzen is the name your mother and father gave you when you first were born; thus, it is the name with what your soul is recognized by the universe lifetime after lifetime, if you truly believe what you said I would not be standing here with you."

Sanzo then noticed that the scenery had change it was no longer a bright empty space but a beautiful garden. They were standing under a blooming peach tree to his left a serene stream run along covered with lotus flowers and to his right a myriad of cherry blossoms. The pain was gone; the fire was replaced by a cold and soothing feeling. "Where are we?"

The Buddha then took on the new surroundings and with a joyous laugh adds, "I believe your memories have finished sorting themselves out. We are where your life began. Yes, this is the same peach tree. You have to hand it to her. She loves her peaches. This is the only place where you can find a peach tree in all of the heavens."

The Buddha now begins to walk around and speaks mostly to himself, "Happy memories were created in this place even if they were short lived." Then turning to face Sanzo he adds with a warm smile, "Although your parents love was not a forbidden one since both of them are Gods in their own right, it cannot be."

"So, are you going to tell me who my parents were? Or I am just supposed to stay in suspense." Sanzo sits down and looks for his cigarettes.

"Were? I am afraid your parents still pretty much alive." Buddha now takes Sanzo's lit cigarette from his lips and takes a drag himself.

"I thought the Buddha did not smoke, drink, or do anything sinful." Sanzo says irritated since he has to light another cigarette for himself.

"How am I supposed to remain compassionate if I don't know the sting of sin?" The Buddha walks away as he contemplates the running stream.

"Tsz!" Sanzo hisses as he hears laughter on the distance.

He then is surprise by a young couple falling on top of him. "What the heck?" Sanzo jumps to his feet and yells, "Watch it, idiots! Don't you see I was sitting there?"

"I am afraid they won't hear you. You are not born yet besides you are astro-traveling in your own memories. You are immaterial, not a physical form."

Sanzo now looks at the young couple but all he can see is the back of a slim youth wearing orange-monk robes and shave head. His skin color is earthly brown. The youth is pinning down a young woman by the looks of it. All Sanzo can see are her well tone long ivory legs that run for miles and a long luxurious raven hair covering the ground.

The Buddha now takes Sanzo's face into his own hands and adds, "You might have her alabaster skin and violet eyes but you are pretty much your father's son."

Sanzo gets lost on the Buddha's eyes. They have no color. Only an infinite universe fill with love and warm then he snaps out of the wonderful embrace the Buddha has closed his eyes again. "I am afraid this is all the time I can spare for you Konzen Douji."

"What the heck was that?" Sanzo finds himself alone again.

The Buddha was gone and the young lovers were no longer in sight. His surrounding had changed. He was inside a cave. It was all he could discern it was too damn dark but the damp earthly scent was nauseating. He was able to find the stony wall and without losing contact he walked towards where the whispering voices presumable were. He then saw a small fire and the young couple talking. Again all he was able to see was the back of the young man kneeling in front of the woman whose face was covered by her long hair. She had her legs spread while her feet were planted on the ground.

"It won't be long now." She said while muffling a scream.

"Well, keep pushing!" The youngster said irritated.

"Promised me one thing, you will protect him no matter what." She pants while drowning another scream.

"How do you know it's going to be a boy? I bet is a girl and she is going to be just as sensuous as you and the end of all virtuous men."

"Like you were virtuous at all, you twisted want to be a monk." She spats while hiding another scream.

"I am virtuous. I am compassion itself unlike you cold hearted woman."

"I am the embodiment of mercifulness. I did spare your horny body by giving you the time of day and now a healthy son." She now lets a dry scream reap through the cave but it is drown by a stronger cry.

The young man now holds a crying baby upside down, "Why is he crying? Make it stop or else we will be found out."

"He is crying because he is alive and healthy. You idiot! Besides you are holding him wrong." The woman takes the baby and holds him carefully cleaning the blood from him with her own hair.

"So, what should we name him?"

"We, I am afraid I already chose the name, Konzen Douji." The woman now takes her breast out of her skimpy clothes and gives it to the crying baby who begins to suck eagerly.

"It suits him. Well, Konzen Douji I am afraid I am not going to be a good father to you but I do promised to protect you as best as I can." The young man now takes some baby clothes out of a bundle lying at his feet and begins to dress him while the infant keeps sucking on his mother's breast.

Sanzo never sees the faces of the man and woman in question since her face is covered by her long hair, he is facing her and the infant has his eyes closed. The images change once more this time. He is inside a palace when he hears a door swung open then a young Merciful Goddess walks in carrying a bundle in her arms. She was wearing a very translucent long white dress with a slid on each side of her hips and a long v-neck ending just below her navel. Her hair was tie back on a pony tail, letting her face be completely expose free of any make-up just radiating youthfulness. A pair of large gold earrings dangling freely then Sanzo realized that he was seeing the Merciful Goddess' face through the child's wide open eyes.

He snaps out of the child's view point and stands again on the side watching her approaching a throne. She stops and bows reverently to the sitting man, "Your majesty, you call for me."

"Yes, Kanzeon Bosatsu I wanted to extend my most sincere sympathies. It was a terrible shame what happen to your sister and her husband while investigating the demonic activity on the lower world."

"Thank you! Your majesty, I am full of grief; however, they gave their life on the name of your majesty. So, I find solace on that thought."

"What's that you're holding in your arms, Merciful Goddess?"

"It's my new born nephew Konzen Douji."

"I have no idea your sister was pregnant if I had known. I have never had asked her to join her husband in the investigation."

"Your majesty should not be concern with such trivial matters."

"Well, what you plan to do with the child?"

"I am all he has left. I plan to raise him myself at my own palace with your majesty permission and blessings."

"Kanzeon Bosatsu, you have duties to attend how you intend to take charge of a child."

"I will manage your majesty as long as I have your blessing."

"Well, you may take the child under your care; however, I hope I don't have to remind you your duties come first."

"No, your majesty I am fully aware of my responsibilities as the Merciful Goddess."

Then Sanzo saw how the Merciful Goddess had been dismissed from the presence of the Jade Emperor. He then was once more transported to another place. He instinctually knew it was the Merciful Goddess' palace. Again he saw from the infant's point of view, the face of the Merciful Goddess smiling while she allowed the infant suck in her forefinger. He then was standing next to a large window that overlooks the large plaza full of cherry blossoming trees. He then observes the Merciful Goddess bending onto a cradle playfully teasing the baby while he coos.

"Are you hungry Konzen? Are you? Are you?"

Then she snaps into attention as the door swings open. A young man dress in Samurai attire enters the room.

"Merciful Goddess, what are you doing? You are expected at the Emperor's luncheon make haste or you will be arriving late. You know how much the Jade Emperor hates to have guest arriving late."

"Oh! Jiroushin and I am having such a wonderful time." The Merciful Goddess continues playing with the baby.

Then the baby starts to cry, "Is it feeding time already?" The Merciful Goddess ignores her servant urgent calls.

"Merciful Goddess I beg of you makes haste. What in the name of God are you doing Merciful Goddess?" Jiroushin eyes pop out as he sees the Merciful Goddess sitting on a nearby rocking chair taking the baby in her arms and giving one or her breast to the child to suck on.

"What does it look I am doing? I am breast feeding Konzen is his feeding time."

"But you can't, you don't have breast milk that is why the Jade Emperor assigned a wet nurse to the baby. I'll go and fetch her." Jiroushin then run out of the room to go and get the wet nurse.

"I'm sorry Konzen it looks like this is going to be the last time I feed you. After all how do I explain them that I am capable of breast feed you. While I am the Merciful Goddess, I cannot perform this kind of miracles without exposing the truth."

Once the baby is satisfy, the Merciful Goddess places him on his cradle and with a kiss turns to leave at this Jiroushin arrives with a young woman whom Sanzo now recognize as his nanny. The woman's face would be a constant companion to Konzen until he turns of age to start grade school. Without moving Sanzo sees the room folds and unfold like time has been fast forward. He is sitting down in a blanket with many toys scattered around then the door swings open. He turns around rather the baby turns towards where the noise comes from and the Merciful Goddess is standing in front of him.

"Hello! Konzen how you're doing today? I'm sorry if I couldn't come earlier but is hard to escape Jiroushin. He is like a leech once he is attached you cannot shake him up."

The Merciful Goddess begins to walk towards the baby when she is stop in her tracks. The baby stands on his own and he walks towards her but his wobbling legs give up before he reaches her; however, she is fast enough to pick him up before he falls.

"What a marvelous sight Konzen, your first baby steps and I'm here to see them without interruption." She bounces the baby on the air.

"Merciful Goddess, what are you doing? The Jade Emperor has requested your presence at the ball."

"Jiroushin, I am taking care of Konzen since his wet nurse is not here. We cannot leave a small child unattended he could've choked on any of these toys or worst walk out of the room and get lost."

The wet nurse at this time enters panting and bowing to the Merciful Goddess apologizing, "Merciful Goddess please forgives my negligence. It will not happen again."

"See to it that doesn't happen after all he is my nephew and I am all he has."

Sanzo looks impassive at the scene that again disappears to be replaced by another image. It is the same room but night time the full moon illuminates the entire bedroom and the child is playing by himself inside the cradle. The door swings open and the Merciful Goddess enters noiseless and picks into the cradle. "You still awake Konzen. Where you waiting for me? I'm sorry everyday is a challenge to find time to come and spend it with you."

The baby now coos and then, "Me…r…cy, mercy."

"Oh, my! Are you trying to say Merciful? Are you calling my name? What a great gift? Too bad your father cannot enjoy this wonderful moments."

Sunrays signal Sanzo that the scene has change once more. He is running away from his wet nurse the door to his room is open and he seizes the opportunity to get out. He runs into the hallway and finally arrives at an office that has the door ajar. He hears now the voice of the Merciful Goddess and he goes in, "Merciful Goddess! Merciful Goddess" The child reaches the woman sitting behind the desk and jumps into her lap.

"What we have here? Konzen have you escape your wet nurse again?"

"I'm sorry Merciful Goddess; everyday is hard to keep an eye on him. He is such an energetic child." The woman grabs Konzen from his arms and pulls him away from the Merciful Goddess who only tights her lips.

"You should not disturb the Merciful Goddess! She is a very busy woman, do you understand Konzen."

Then Sanzo flinches, he remembers now this was a constant statement drill into his head. Time fast forward once more. He is dress in small black shorts and a white short sleeves shirt with a black tie hanging from his neck. He wears white socks and black leather shoes. He sees the door to his room opening and the Merciful Goddess enters followed by Jiroushin.

"Jiroushin, our Konzen has grown so fast look at him ready to go to school."

"Yes, Merciful Goddess it was so generous of the Jade Emperor to assign him to go to the same school as the royal children."

The Merciful Goddess makes a face of dissatisfaction adding, "Yes, it was very generous of him."

Bending to fuss over Konzen's uniform the Merciful Goddess whispers into his ears, "Remember to have fun at school." Then louder she adds, "Konzen be a good student and don't disappoint your professors."

Sanzo now remembers the horrible time he had at school. The royal children calling him orphan child, the Merciful Goddess' charity case and then the tutors telling him that no one like a tattletale. Sanzo learned fast that he could save himself a lot of trouble if he kept himself scarce from the other children and he concentrated on his studies. He then finds a way to get even from the cruelty of the others by exposing their stupidity. Konzen always got the best marks on everything and when he graduated from the University, the Jade Emperor assigned him an administrative job. It suit Konzen well, the job kept him away from everyone, away from any danger and it came with a high pay salary and many extra favors.

He never left his quarters the one his aunt the Merciful Goddess assigned him since the day he was born. After all the room had a great view, it overlooked the principal square and the Jade Emperor's Palace. Sanzo also remembers that his first day of school was the last time the Merciful Goddess took any interest in him again. He only heard from her whenever his marks from school were send to her. She usually sent a gift telling him how proud she was and that was the extent of her involvement.

Then, one day a young man comes into his office. He is wearing a long white lab coat. He has emerald green eyes and long dark-black hair. Sanzo remembers he was bore to death dozing off in his office. He sat at his desk with his chair tilted while he balanced precariously on the back legs of the chair and his feet resting on top of his desk.

His office is crispy clean and tidy just the way he likes everything. Everything in his place, his stack of papers finished in a tidy large stack every single seal precisely align so every paper is in perfect harmony. The door of his office swings open and he opens his amethyst violet eyes irritated. Who dares to come and interrupt his dozing off time? Every member of his staff knows he has a schedule for everything. Everything is calculated to the smallest detail even his boredom is included into this precise arrangement.

"What do you want? Don't you know you are disturbing my quiet time?" Konzen snaps at the new comer.

"Pardon me; I am looking for Lord Konzen Douji. Do you know where I may find him?"

Konzen now sits perfectly behind his desk as another person enters the office obviously distress and apologizing, "Forgive me Lord Konzen, I was distracted momentarily from my post. I did not saw this man coming into your office. I please beg you for your forgiveness. I will now take care of the matter myself."

"Oh, my! Are you Lord Konzen Douji? A thousand pardons, my name is Marshall Field Tenpou Gensui and I would have sent one of my subordinates if I did not need it your signature and approval seal for this urgent order like yesterday." The Marshall apologizes but obviously the man had no remorse.

Konzen now in business modes dismisses his employee, "Does not matter anymore, I see to it myself. However, if something like this happens again be advised that you would be looking for another job someplace else understood."

"Yes, Lord Konzen."

"Please, don't be too harsh on him. I am the one who disturbed you Lord Konzen. Now on the matter of your signature, would you please approve this expenditure order?" The Marshall extends a stack of papers to Konzen giving him a wide and warm smile.

Konzen only grunts and grabs the papers from the Marshall's hands. He looks over them in a quick glance and in a matter of seconds the papers are signed and sealed. "Anything else Marshall, I am a busy person after all." Konzen shoves the papers into the Marshall's waiting hands.

"But, you didn't look at them. You don't even know what you're approving. What if I was asking for something unreasonable?"

Konzen irritated by the audacity of the man to question his good judgment recites back every line written on the requisition document. "Now, if the department of war does not require any more ludicrous items such as Sake or the Field Marshall does not have any more idiotic questions. See yourself out."

"Oh, my! Lord Konzen I heard of your bad temper but I never give ears to such idle gossip." Tenpou is cut short by an irritated blond administrator.

"Why are you still standing here? Do you want me to deny your request and make the department of war my personal enemy? You know I have the power to make your lives miserable."

"I do. I know how evil administrators can be if they feel personally insulted. However, why would you go through all that trouble if all you want is to be left alone?"

"Who say I was the one giving you hell? I have a very capable and well train staff for such occasions." Konzen gives Tenpou an evil smile.

"Good point! So what would it take to make the administrative clerks more amiable?"

"Not catching hell from me."

"Mmm! So what can I do to make you happy Lord Konzen?"

"Get the hell out of my office, and never come inside without the proper authorization from any of my staff members."

"I see! Well, I will take your advice into serious consideration Lord Konzen." Field Marshall Tenpou leaves the office with a wide smile.

Konzen only hisses at the arrogant man. From that day forward Field Marshall Tenpou makes it a point to personally come and have his requisition forms sign and seal by Lord Konzen. Every time, they would get into an argument that after awhile turned into a banter, Konzen forgot how long it took for him to just ignore the Field Marshall whenever he entered his office and continue with his snoozing. He could not remember when the Field Marshall become just Tenpou and their bantering turned into a one sided conversation. It was like a ritual; Tenpou would arrived at his office once a week sit somewhere and tell him about the happenings on the department of war then he would say his good-byes to next time. Once in awhile, Konzen had shown interested on something and ask questions then it would be more of a conversation. Then the happenings of the department of war become only a conversation about the mischievous ways of a young General name Kenren Taisho.

Sanzo now sighs as he falls into a more peaceful sleep his memories regain. He had accepted that he was Konzen Douji the Merciful Goddess' nephew.

**TBC**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the characters of Saiyuki that totally and unashamedly appear on this fan fiction. They are the product of Kazuya Minekura's wonderful imagination. However, the plot is totally my selfish desired to get some romantic thrills, which are only alluded to or implied, on her creative work.

**Author's Notes: **The following story is based on Saiyuki anime English version of course and has transcribed references which will appear of course with () to signal the borrowed dialogued from Episode 01 (Go to the West), Episode 29 (Unexpected Defeat), Episode 39 (Misty Rain), and Episode 50 (Alone). I humbly hope Kazuya Minekura will forgive me for borrowing her inspiration while my intention is not to plagiarize her work I need some of the dialogue to construct a solid foundation for my love story starring of course our beautiful boys from Saiyuki. While this inner journey takes place during episode 39 (Misty Rain), it started from the moment Sanzo extended his hand to help Goku escape his rock prison and will go beyond episode 50 (Alone) and will not touch whatsoever on Saiyuki Reload or Saiyuki Reload Gunlock. After episode 50, I will have a totally different story. I hope you like it.


	4. Heaven and Earth

"Fucking, Hakkai!" Sanzo spats as he flickers the remaining of his cigarette.

He stands up from the table and smoothes out his robe. Scanning the area for signs of his companions, Sanzo walks back to the inn. It seems to Sanzo that everyone has deserted him. Just minutes ago, he has been annoyed because Lirin took his dinner away. Goku chases her once she takes his plate too. Yaone decides to go and look for the trouble makers and Hakkai been the gentleman he is accompanied her. Goyjo seems irritated; however, he bounces back by announcing his desire to go and look for some female company.

Goyjo adds, "I'll be damned if I'll sleep alone tonight."

Sanzo only grunts like if he cares. Then he is left alone, the festivities dwindling down. After they spend the night camping out, they arrived at the village of Saika only this morning; however, once they learn that today's festivities are dedicated to Shien one of the Gods of war and Homura's right hand, Sanzo decides to skip town. But his plans are thwarted once Yaone shows up looking for Lirin. Hakkai could not help himself but to feel obligated to help a damsel on distress. So he goes and confronts Shien who was fighting little Lirin. Goku, Goyjo and Yaone join him. After a few minutes brawling with the God, Shien concludes that he had enough of a work out for the day that done they have no reason to leave town. Goku, Goyjo and Hakkai gang on Sanzo expressing their desire to enjoy the festivities, so he is force to stay and fraternize with the enemy since technically Yaone and Lirin are part of Kougaiji's team, and the reason they are on this trek.

Sanzo arrives at the inn and prepares to take a bath at least the damn village seems to be untouched by any demonic troubles. It is a prosperous little town, so he can enjoy the luxuries of a hot bath. Sanzo submerges into the almost scorching water and allows the seaweed salts to absorb into every pore in his body. Once Sanzo relaxes with the scent of the sandalwood incense burning on the brazier next to the bathtub and the fumes provoke by the reaction of the hot water and the seaweed salts, he replays the conversation that took place minutes ago during dinner time

Goku has just taken off chasing after Lirin to recover his food, and Sanzo feels compel to bring his gun out to shoot both trouble makers; however, he is stopped by Hakkai and Yaone. Then Hakkai out of the blue says, "Now that I've faced him. I understand him so much better. I never fought any one with such utter conviction and determination."

Goyjo simply adds, ()"You know. I know exactly what you mean. His strength is entirely different from Homura's or Zenon's on a strictly fundamental level."

Sanzo lighting up a cigarette replies, ()"If that's true then, he might be plague with self doubts or questioning his purpose. If you know what I mean, if you probe deeply enough you'll find must tough guys are all the same way."

Sanzo curses his big mouth. Why he feels like he has to say something? It is not like he is expected to chit chat during dinner time.

Hakkai only adds thoughtfully, ()"You really think so."

Then Sanzo finishes with such a big speech, ()"You're telling me you don't sense it on yourselves. Inside your heart of hearts you're plague with doubt and uncertainly, so you fight to feel like you have control of your own lives because in the struggle you can find your purpose."

Goyjo continues, ()"Maybe so!"

Again Hakkai has just to be himself and rebukes, ()"That goes for you too, I supposed."

Sanzo sighs, "Fucking, Hakkai!" submerging once more on the delicious bath.

Like if he has to be reminded, he too is plagued with doubts, he is not only questioning his sexuality, his convictions, he is questioning his life, his sanity. Why did I left heaven? Sanzo searches his memories for the reason. Although, the Merciful Goddess says he made the bargain with Buddha to become human, he keeps searching and searching and cannot come up with any answers. It seems his past memories end when he meets Tenpou; Hakkai, it figures. The door to the bathroom swings open and Sanzo comes to the surface to see who dares to disturb his personal time.

Sanzo finds a grinning Goku standing next to the tub with extended hands clasping a bowl of Ramen soup by the smell of it, "I brought you some soup since Lirin ate your food."

"Get out!" Sanzo hisses.

He is irritated by Goku's impertinence. The last thing Sanzo needs is been force to deal with his desires right now.

"C'mon Sanzo, you need to eat something. Smoking does not help your health you know." Goku adds knowing he is safe from been shot at or hit with the paper fan. He spotted the mention items on top of the bed earlier. One of the reasons he finds the courage to enter Sanzo's inner sanctum.

"Get out!" Sanzo hisses once more grabbing the plate and throwing it at Goku's face.

Goku easily dodges the dangerous item pulling a footstool conveniently store inside the room and sitting at a safe distance from Sanzo. Griming wider if possible, he continues, "That was not nice. If you didn't want the soup, I could've eaten it you know. I'm still hungry."

Sanzo gives up on trying to run Goku out of the bathroom. He knows the bastard has an advantage over him. Unless he risks exposing his naked body to the teen's intense gaze, he does not see how he can throw him out successfully. Sanzo submerges again carefully making sure he does not expose any body parts except for his floating blond hair. He can always throw the incandescent brazier to Goku's face. A smirk forms on Sanzo's face at the thought; however, he dismisses it quickly even for him that would be too much Sanzo risks burning his hands.

Goku drags his seat closer to the bathtub talking cheerfully, "Sanzo, you want me to scrub your back."

Sanzo resurfaces, "I am going to kill you."

Goku soaps the scrubbing sponge and begins to rub Sanzo's back while he chats away, "You know it was amazing."

"What was?"

"Fighting, Shien! I felt like I could've taken him if the bastard hadn't run away."

"Tsz!" Sanzo hisses relishing Goku's touch.

"I burned his whips. He snaked his whips around my Nyoi-Boi, but I pulled with such force that I saw his energy snapped burnt and then he was gone."

Goku now stops his rubbing motion and scratching his head continues, "It was awesome. For a second, I felt like I was tight down once more back in my rock prison then this desire to crushed something took over me and then the whips snapped. I had such a great strength."

Sanzo hisses again mostly to himself as the image of Goku in his 'Seiten Taisei' form flash on his mind. Goku possess all the strength to overpower even Homura, the Gods, any God.

Goku resumes scrubbing Sanzo's back trailing, "I could have finished him right there and then."

"I am sure you would have. Now get out! I'm done."

Goku drops the sponge into the tub and stands up placing the footstool to the side. He then walks towards the door turning to face Sanzo asking, "Sanzo, do you want me to bring you more food? I'm going to go and get something for myself too."

Sanzo only spats, "I'm not hungry!"

Hakkai lingers outside the inn pretending he is cleaning up jeep and locking it for the night. When he arrives at the inn after walking Yaone to where she and Lirin left the flying dragons resting, he checked on Goyjo. Since Goyjo has not yet turned in, he decides to wait for him. The night is wonderful fireworks still exploding on the clear night sky and the weather just chilly enough to enjoy a late night walk. After two hours of waiting and almost giving up, he sees the stumbling figure of Goyjo turning the corner towards the inn. Hakkai sighs Goyjo is drunk and probably high on sex, but at least he is back safe and Hakkai would help him up to his room and would make sure he sleeps in comfort.

"So, you have any luck with the ladies?" Hakkai asks his standard question accompanied with his standard smiled.

"Fuck off! Do you want to gloat about scoring with the purple head would be assassin?" Goyjo spats with venom. He is angry and hurt since Hakkai has yet to show him any interest despite Goyjo's elephant size hints.

"What? Why would you say something like that? Yaone is a good friend who need it assistance today." Hakkai is taken aback by the venomous words. Why is Goyjo acting strange lately?

Once Hakkai offers to help Yaone to look for Lirin and Goku, Goyjo is not happy. He stoops so low as to follow Yaone and Hakkai. They walk at ease with each other laughing oblivious to Goyjo's following figure. A few minutes into the chase, Goyjo sees Hakkai taking Yaone into his arms almost sweeping her on her feet and giving her what it looks like a very passionate kiss. However, if Goyjo had stood on a different vantage point, he could easily see that Yaone slips and Hakkai catches her on his arms. Then she is hit on her eyes with a flying stone from the slip, and Hakkai has bent to examine her eyes.

Goyjo thinks he has seen enough. Heartbroken, he enters the first bar he finds and begins to drink to drown the image of Hakkai and Yaone. Well, at least he knows, Hakkai does not lust after Sanzo or Goku. He is still pretty much very heterosexual, only if Hakkai could be bisexual. Goyjo recognizes that this is just an illusion, his own desire to be love, to be cherish by his best friend. Stumbling Goyjo glares at the appalling Hakkai, "Whatever Hakkai, play the innocent for all I care. I know what I saw."

Hakkai instantly grabs the stumbling Goyjo by the arm. Goyjo is about to push him away but thinks better of it. At least Hakkai would tuck him into bed, and he could survive on those miserable crumbs of affection. Hakkai takes a better hold of Goyjo and while he hauls him to his room he questions his attitude, "What do you mean? What do you think you saw? At least tell me what you are talking about. Why are you so upset with me?"

"Upset? Who says I am upset? I don't give a shit who you fuck. However, don't give me that innocent face. You rolled on the hay like the rest of us, mister." Goyjo scrams for his room's keys, but Hakkai just grabs them from his hands and opens the door.

Hakkai's face is hot as a blazing coal; he pulls Goyjo into the room then pushes him into the bed. He works with furious and steady movements to take Goyjo's clothes off. Once he makes sure, Goyjo is comfortable wearing nothing but his boxers, he closes his eyes and speaks with a cold and cadence rhythm. He does not want to lose his patience with Goyjo. He knows Goyjo can be a lousy drunk sometimes. "I know you are drunk right now and you have no idea of what you are saying; however, I expect an explanation tomorrow. Have pleasant dreams Goyjo."

Hakkai is about to move away from the bed when Goyjo grabs his left forearm and pulls him into the bed. Hakkai loses his step for a second and falls in top of Goyjo who now holds him tight from the waist. It is now or never. He must taste those cherry lips that look so damn delectable when they are curl in such an angry manner. Hakkai is surprise by Goyjo's forceful kiss and embrace for a moment he loses his self control and gives into the kiss; however, he recovers fast and pushes himself breaking the tight lock. Goyjo is drunk and he is not; therefore, he is the stronger of the two. He would be damn if he would be Goyjo's drunk fuck. He wants him but not like this. If Goyjo really wants to fuck him, he better be in all his five senses. Goyjo does not struggle back. He only sighs in defeat. Well, tomorrow is another day. I will deal with it tomorrow, and he falls fast asleep. Hakkai caresses his pulsing lips for a second observing Goyjo falling fast asleep then sighs maybe he should let the subject die after all Goyjo is drunker than usual. He probably would not remember anything. Probably it has nothing to do with him, Goyjo probably was not able to score with a beautiful lady and he was just taking his frustration out on him. Hakkai bends to kiss the sleeping Goyjo on the forehead while removing a few strands of blood-red hair from his peaceful face with a smirk Hakkai makes his decision and leaves to go and to sleep himself.

Sanzo is sitting at the windowsill looking down the street. He wears his black undergarments while his robe is fastened falling midriff. He lights his tenth cigarette since Goku left him to go and to grab something to eat. He sees Goyjo's stumbling figure and Hakkai ready arms catching him, "Idiots!"

A soft knock at the door is follow by the door slowly swinging open. He does not bother to turn around and look at the intruder. He has a pretty good idea who it is. The sweet-woody scent invades the room overpowering the nicotine floating around.

"What do you want?"

"Be with you." Goku stands still closing the door without taking his hand off the knob.

"Go to your own room."

"I don't want to sleep alone. I like sleeping with you." He now moves to stand in the middle of the room.

"I need my privacy. I cannot stand being with you idiots too long."

"Please, Sanzo. Just this once!" Goku pleads shuffling his feet and eyeing the bed. He could run and plant himself on top of it, and Sanzo would have to pry him open before he would give way.

"Don't hug all the pillows and stay away from the wall that's my spot."

Goku's eyes widen but before Sanzo says another word he is already under the covers. He would not allow Sanzo to change his mind. Sanzo smirks and lights another cigarette. Why did I become a human? He tries searching in vain his memories would not go past Tenpou's. Within seconds, Sanzo hears Goku's loud snore. "Idiot!"

Sanzo moves away from the window and stands besides the bed observing Goku's sleeping figure. Who is the idiot? Goku for allowing Sanzo to treat him like shit without a complaint or Sanzo who needs Goku's snoring and hot breath hitting his nape to be lull to sleep. He has to admit that since Goku has been sleeping next to him. He has sleep soundless, no ghosts lurking around, or nightmares coming to life. Sanzo removes some strands of copper-brown hair from Goku's face.

"Isn't he the cutest thing?"

Sanzo takes a step back and instinctually draws his gun out, "What are you doing here?"

"Konzen, I am the Merciful Goddess I don't need a reason to be anywhere." The Merciful Goddess smiles at the irritated monk.

"However, I came to bring you this." The Merciful Goddess grabs Sanzo's gun away and in its place drops two ruby beads into Sanzo's open palm.

Sanzo looks at her puzzle. She takes her cue and moves seductively towards the window. "What a beautiful night? Don't you agree Konzen?"

"Tsz!" Sanzo only hisses eyeing the beads then he grabs another cigarette. He needs his nicotine like the birds need the wind to soar free in the sky.

"It seems you did not pick up all the beads. These two were left to rot in Rikudo's body. However, once you broke the seal they were return to join the rest of the prayer beads at the heavens."

"What do you mean?"

The Merciful Goddess turns to face Konzen. She casts the shadow of a large swan on the illuminated floor by the moonlight. "Those ruby prayer beads belonged to your father. They are magical beads so when you broke the seal they returned to where they belong; however, since these two beads were not fastened with the rest they did not release some seal memories."

Sanzo looks at the two beads again they are dirty and opaque. He looks up to face the Merciful Goddess, "What am I suppose to do?"

"Well, I am sure you are not happy with your memory losses. So, I suggest you clean up those beads and claim your memories back."

"I'm not an idiot. I know I should claim my memories back; however, I don't know how to do that. You are the Merciful Goddess. Show some mercy." Sanzo says irritated.

The Merciful Goddess walks to stand besides Sanzo. She places her right hand on Sanzo's heart then looking at Goku she adds, "Look with the eyes of the heart!"

"What does that suppose to mean?" He slaps her hands away from him and moves away to stand next to the window still smoking another cigarette.

The Merciful Goddess smoothes her luxurious hair then sighing, she continues, "Konzen, you must claim what belongs to you. Just like you did last time."

She then takes a sit next to Goku and caresses the sleeping boy's face. "So cute! What a marvelous creature. Konzen don't let erroneous human conventionality destroy the wonderful gift life has giving you." Standing up and turning to face Sanzo who seems lost observing the solitary streets outside the window, she adds, "We Gods are above human morality. We create the rules and there is nothing on the Buddha's teachings that condemns your feelings for the boy."

The Merciful Goddess begins to walk towards the window and as she fades out her voice echoes, "Konzen don't be an idiot."

"Easy for you to say."

Sanzo finishes his cigarette looking at the beads on his hands he moves away to go and wash them. Now he sits again at the windowsill with a dangling cigarette and turning the beads around he says, "Well, what the fuck? I don't care what else everyone thinks. Goku is mine, and I won't give him up."

The moment he finishes speaking the last words the beads glow with a silvery light that within seconds explodes into a golden light and the beads are gone from the palm of his hand, "I guess is time for me to go to sleep."

Sanzo takes his place on the bed and the moment his head touches the pillow Goku's arms grab him from the waist while Goku's legs swings falling on top of Sanzo's. Sanzo is about to push Goku away from him he feels asphyxiating with the tight lock embrace, but a throbbing headache sets in and a heavy sleeps claims him. The luminous light blinding him again and the empty space swirling around it makes him dizzy. He hears the distance voice of the Merciful Goddess telling him something about a lower level animal, he is so bore. Then he is walking, walking his headache begins to disappear the blinding light is almost bearable. He stands still somewhere the dizziness is almost gone his eyes are focusing on a man that he has seen before he is kneeling saying something about the prisoner. Yes, that scrawny creature is definitely a prisoner. He wears shackles on both his feet, his arms and around his neck. Then he feels the pain, the creature standing in front of him grinning holding bunch of golden strands of hair.

Sanzo realizes the fucking creature has pulled his hair and he is angry now. The first thing he does is hit the startle creature that keeps telling him that he looks like the sun. "Why are you hitting me? You are the sun. The sun is supposed to be nice, warm."

Then he hears something else the Merciful Goddess is saying something about the creature being his pet. He turns to protest and he is angry at the Merciful Goddess. However, she only smiles and tells him is her command. Konzen grunts and grabs the creature from his neck shackles once the Merciful Goddess gives a command no one may disobey her not even him could do that. "Fucking, hag, I'll make her pay for this. Come along you need to be clean up you smell."

"Are you going to give me some food? I'm hungry."

"Yeah! Yeah! I'm sure the servants would give you something."

Konzen arrives at his apartments and orders his servants to clean up the creature and to feed him. Then he turns to leave he remembers now, he was at his office working. "You keep out of trouble. Don't go anywhere."

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to work."

"Please, don't worry Lord Konzen; we'll take good care of your pet."

"Tsz!"

Konzen or rather Sanzo remembers that was the first time he set eyes on Goku, the heretic creature from the lower level. He was born from a rock and brought to heaven to be sold as the rarity he was. Traveler Egan always comes first to the Merciful Goddess to show her his exotic findings from the lower world. She is the only one who appreciates his merchandise and also pays the most. Now he was stuck with the creature, Konzen almost cracks a smile as he reviews the events that just occur. The creature was adorable if it was not because he dared to pull his hair. Konzen admits the creature had the most beautiful Golden-Amber eyes and his smile was so contagious so much innocence and sense of wonder on that scrawny little creature definitely an adorable pet. Konzen is startle at his own admit ion. Well, at least today is not as boring.

He arrives at his quarters to find his servants in an uproar. The creature is running everywhere and his servants look like headless chickens running after the little runt. His precious tidy apartment looks like a mess, he finally spots the mass of electrifying wind zooming pass by him and he grabs him from the mass of brown hair flowing. The little creature comes up to Konzen's waist. Konzen now shouts, "What you think you are doing you little monkey?"

"You're back." The heretic creature now stands still looking up at the furious and blazing violet eyes looking down at him.

"Wow! You're so tall and beautiful definitely you look like the sun."

"I'm not that tall you idiot. It just happens that you are little small after all you've been born just a couple of months I believe. It was not long since your birth that Egan found you. And stop calling me sun; I'm no one's fucking sun. My name is Konzen. Repeat after me, Konzen. You stupid monkey."

"Konzen, Konzen, Konzen, I got it Konzen. Konzen, you have a beautiful name. I like your name Konzen."

"Tsz! So, have you eaten?"

"Yes, it was so delicious. But, I think I am hungry again."

"Of course you are it is already late. Let's go and eat something."

Konzen then settles to eat with the little monkey while his servants pick up after the mess. After the meal, he takes the monkey to his room and the servants prepare a makeshift bed made of blankets on the floor next to his own bed for the monkey. He sit crossed legged on top of his bed to read something when the monkey sits next to him, "What is it?"

"Konzen, why did you leave me?"

Konzen then feels something else a memory flashes on his mind he is sit on that same bed. He is about three or four years old and in his place is the Merciful Goddess facing him. He shrugs the memory away and says, "I had to go to work." He just repeats the same words the Merciful Goddess said to him so long ago that he almost forgot.

"Where do you work?"

Konzen now puts his book away and looks intently at the creature in front of him. He is so foreign and at the same time so familiar. Well what the heck, "I'll show you tomorrow. Now go to bed." Konzen dismisses the little monkey and he stretches on the bed getting ready to go to sleep.

"But, I'm not sleepy."

"Just, the same go to your blankets and close your eyes sleep would come later."

However, the little monkey just curls behind Konzen's back and begins to play with Konzen's hair. Konzen then falls asleep with the warm body next to him breathing and the scent of sweet woody-earth engulfs Konzen's senses. Sanzo now realizes that this become part of the daily routine of Konzen. No matter how many times he sent the little runt to sleep on his own blankets. The monkey always ends up sleeping next to him. Konzen daily routine is disrupted and replace by a different routine. From that day forward, his life is filled with disruptions messes, running after the mass of electrifying wind to be always cut by his brown flowing hair.

Then after a few weeks living on heaven comes an event that creates a stronger bond between Konzen and the little creature. ()"Hey Konzen, give me a name."

Konzen is startle by the sudden demand. The kid has been telling him about his new friend Prince Nataku and now this. Konzen refuses to give him a name. He knows that once he gives the creature a name their bond would be stronger and he does not think he could tolerate any more disruptions to his life. One thing is accepting the creature as his pet; another is claiming ownership over the little monkey. Up to now he takes care of it because it was an order from the Merciful Goddess but if he gives him a name it would be like he willingly accepts the responsibility. But the kid does not budge and keeps pestering him about having a name. What the heck is not like he is going to be going anywhere else? He is mine to keep, ()"Goku! It's Goku. It's short and easy so that even a monkey head like you can memorize, right?"

Goku now jumps into the bed and begins a new set of pestering questions. Konzen sighs, how much longer I can tolerate this creature. No not a creature, Goku, his Goku. Then a year passes and the birthday of the Jade Emperor signals the festivities of the New Year. This day brought a different kind of bondage into Konzen's life. At Goku's insistence, Konzen brings him to the festival then he gets lost finally Konzen finds him and there is a problem seems Goku and his good friend Field Marshall Tenpou along with that trouble maker General Kenren got in some sort of trouble. He bails them out not without selfish reasons if he takes responsibility for the trio he too gets to walk out of the Emperor's festivities something that Konzen loathes but only because Goku wants to come and he is expected to make an appearance he shows up and now he has the perfect opportunity to ditch the boring thing.

Sanzo sighs in his sleep now his little group is complete. He understands the bondage of friendship that was formed that day now for the rest of his eternal life he is stuck with his friend Field Marshall Tenpou, Hakkai, General Kenren, Goyjo, and his little monkey, Goku. Life on heavens continuous as usual Goku been hated by everyone except by him and the rest of his group. Tenpou telling him about the activities of the department of war that to Konzen seems becoming dangerous everyday and he is certain that he should not know about those thing but his aunt should know better and that Kenren ruffling the hair of guilty Gods.

Finally a pain seems to settle on Sanzo's chest something is coming and it seems to him he is not going to like it. He forces his memories to go a little faster. He is on his office and in front of him are the three trouble makers sporting bandages and injuries. He asks about what happen; however, they refuse to tell him. Even Goku refuses to tell him saying it was a secret. He just warns them that he does not want for Goku to get in trouble they are grown men and they can take care of themselves Goku is just a child. Goku is his and no one should lay a finger on his property. They ask him to join them they are going to welcome Prince Nataku. He is coming back from his dealings with the lower world. He refuses claiming he has work to do and warns Tenpou to take care of Goku. He does not like the idea of Goku attaching himself to Nataku. He is not sure if he is jealous of Goku's bond with Nataku or it is something else. No, it is something else Goku is too innocent he does not see the lies behind smiling faces. Gods use any one to achieve their own purposes everything is just a tool to be use for their own convenience.

Li-Touten is using his son for his own selfish ends and Konzen does not want Goku to be caught on the cross fire. He gets up from his desk and decides to go speak directly with his aunt. The Merciful Goddess should know what is going on and advice him what to do. She tells him some bullshit that only if he wants to really knows what is going on he has to find the information for himself. After all he is in a very high position to know everything if he wants information. He is the top administrator every single piece of information floating around on the heavens has to pass through him before it arrives its destination. She dismisses him because a very important visitor has arrived seeking audience with the Merciful Goddess he goes to his office to think better of his aunts advice.

Konzen goes careful over almost every piece of paper that has crossed his desk most recently. He is a great analyst so compare that information with everything that Tenpou has confided on him he realizes that Li-Touten plans to overthrown the Jade Emperor. He is been using his son to gain sympathizers to his cause. He is trying to figure out how does Tenpou and Kenren fit into all of this when he hears shouts outside his door. He stands to open up when a huffing and puffing servant falls before him bowing and trying to keep his breath under control, "What's the matter?"

"Lord Konzen something happen at Prince Nataku's quarters it seems it involves Field Marshall Tenpou and General Kenren."

"Where is Goku?"

"Son Goku is with them Lord Konzen." Before the servant finishes his statement, Konzen was flying towards Nataku's quarters.

Konzen arrives at the scene and what he sees is soldiers running around and giving orders he finally enters the rooms and sees Tenpou and Kenren engage in battle with a squadron of heavenly soldiers he quickly scans for Goku and finds him all covered in blood fighting like a rabid and injured animal. He is so furiously looking while he is killing soldiers by the dozens it seems. Prince Nataku lies down in a pool of blood at Goku's feet. Someone grabs Konzen and pulls him away from the scene then he hears Tenpou's dangerous commanding voice, "Let's go Goku. We need to escape to the lower world."

Konzen realizes that is General Kenren that is hauling him behind them Goku is running while body parts fly above his head as they are pursuit by the heavenly army soldiers. Konzen is beside himself he has never been in a battle either mock battle or real one. He has no experience with such carnage. Goku is almost on top of them he can see his beautiful Golden-amber eyes full of hatred the innocence gone. He is smiling like a maniac like he enjoys the blood spilling at his hands. Finally they arrived at an empty corridor, Kenren puts him down and looks for a cigarette, Tenpou too is leaning against a wall scanning quickly for a route to escape and taking mental notes finally Goku is next to him looking at him dangerously.

"Goku!" He tries to reach his face with his hands but Goku shrieks away and turns to look at Tenpou.

"What the hell happen Tenpou?" Konzen asks unsure of what to do or say.

"No time for explanations, we need to find a way to get to the lower world and lose ourselves there while I think of something."

"Hey! Marshall you know as well as I do all the exits for the lower world are seal already that is the first thing that scum would have done and he is going to use us as his scapegoats."

"We still need to try."

"I'm just saying with Blondie here. He has nothing to do with us. He is the only innocent here. Even Goku has his fill of blood on his hands now, no escaping the Jade Emperor's fury."

Tenpou scans and at the end of the corridor he sees an elevator, "Let's use that elevator and then go down the ventilators. Maybe we can use one of the tunnels to the lower world through the Merciful Goddess palace and we can drop Konzen there. Even if they tried they can blame him for anything."

"Sounds like a good deal to me."

"Wait I cannot let you escape whatever you have done and drag Goku into I am sure can be work out with the Jade Emperor. I have proof that Li-Touten is planning to overthrown the Jade Emperor. If you have nothing to do with Li-Touten's plans, the Merciful Goddess can intervene in your behalf."

Tenpou looks exasperated at his friend. Konzen can be dense sometimes. He has his head on the clouds too much of a shelter life. No concept of what really goes on the real world. He is good with his books and great head as an analyst but no clue as what the real world looks like. "Forget it Konzen, even if what you say is true, Li-Touten is not going to pay. Someone is already line up to take the blame for him and no amount of your paper work will dirty him on the least. On the other hand, Kenren and I are going to be court martial and our existence obliterated. There is no chance for reincarnation on the lower world. Goku is going to be taken from you and suffer the same fate as us. I'm sorry my friend. I could not protect Goku but things are always messy. You cannot always have an orderly life like yours."

Sanzo gets up from his sleep sweating and shaking. He did live a foolish life as a God. He was so use to precision and tidiness and life is not like that. Life is messy, full of heartache and no matter how hard you try things not always come out the way you want them.

Goku gets up half asleep, "Are you alright Sanzo?" trying to pull Sanzo back to bed.

"Yes, go back to sleep." Sanzo grabs his pack of cigarettes and gets up from the bed.

Goku sees him smoking then decides that Sanzo just needs to smoke. He would be back to bed soon again. So he continues sleeping and Sanzo sits at the windowsill looking out at the quiet streets of the town. Everyone is asleep now the celebrations over. This time he closes his eyes and searches his memories again for what happens next. They all have finally been capture and brought before the Jade Emperor. Goku was finally looking like his old self and resting his body against Konzen while they were drag through the room to stand in front of the throne were the Jade Emperor was sitting. The Merciful Goddess look straight at him with a compassion he had never seen before in her eyes. Someone else stand besides her, Lord Buddha.

"Your Majesty, we have finally captured the rebels."

"Lord Konzen, I'm disappointed to find you as part of this rebellion." The Jade Emperor smirks at him scanning the group kneeling before him.

"Your Majesty, you're misinformed. We tried to use Lord Konzen as a hostage to get access to the lower world." Field Marshall Tenpou speaks before Konzen utters a world.

"Field Marshall Tenpou such an impeccable record and you throw it all for what?"

"I don't like injustices, your majesty."

"So you take justice into your own hands. I see. So I suppose I am the Jade Emperor for nothing. Am I a decorating figure Field Marshall?"

Tenpou's feels his face getting hotter and embarrassed.

"If you forgive me your majesty, you were not there and justice needs it to be imparted quick and swift. I'm sure the Field Marshall used his past experience on the battle fields."

"And we meet at last, General Kenren. I heard that there is nothing you won't do for the Field Marshall. I'm really jealousy of you Tenpou such loyalty. And here I always believe the heavenly army owed their loyalties to me."

Goyjo gritted his teeth he wanted to slap the insolent man that dares to insult Tenpou. What do the Jade Emperor knew about surviving a battle? The sense of lost and impotency he along with the rest old gizzards live in ivory tower without looking down at the rest of them. To the Gods their lives were spendable but to Field Marshall Tenpou each live was precious one of the many reasons his men were so loyal to him. The man care deeply for each of his subordinates and everyone else includes that annoying blond Lord Konzen.

"So that leaves only you little creature. What's your name?"

Goku looks up at Konzen for reassurance. Konzen only half smile at him ruffling his brown hair whispers, "No secrets Goku please. No secrets."

Goku faces the emperor, "My name is Son Goku."

"Son Goku, will you tell me what happen and do not omit anything."

"I wanted to see Nataku but because he was sick. I was not allowed to visit. He had promised me to show me around the heavens to go and play hide and seek. So when I heard he had gone to the lower world again and he was coming back. I asked Tenpou and Goyjo to take to welcome him. I called after him when he entered the gates but he did not hear me so Tenpou and Goyjo took me to the palace to talk to him. We were escorted into the room where Nataku was with his father and lots of armed men. Then his father told him to kill me in front of everyone to prove his loyalty once more. I did not know why he wanted me to be killed. I have not done anything to make him angry. When I make Konzen angry he only yells and hits me sometimes but that is all. So I asked him why? Nataku did not answer but instead prepared to hit me with his sword then Tenpou tried to protect me but he was ambush by some of the armed men on the room then Goyjo begin to fight to help Tenpou and Nataku use his own sword to kill himself. Then I was angry because Nataku was death and Tenpou and Goyjo were fighting so I began to hit people then all I saw was blood everywhere and then I was running and Goyjo had Konzen in his arms. I don't remember anything else except being drag with Konzen here." Goku tights his embrace on Konzen's waist, Konzen only holds him in place.

"I see." The Jade Emperor now turns to look at Li-Touten who is standing beside him. "Lord Li-Touten, what you have to say for yourself?"

"Your majesty, I beg your forgiveness but this creature is nothing but a threat to Nataku and your own personal safety. So, yes I did ask my son to kill him; unfortunately my son was so weak of heart that instead he attempted to kill himself. As for the rest, I suppose things just got out of control."

"Merciful Goddess, what you think of all of this?"

"Your Majesty, All I can say is that my nephew was with me for the most part going over some late documents then I send him back to his own office because Lord Buddha asks for an audience. Field Marshall Tenpou is a good hearted man and he only sought to protect my nephew's pet and we all know that General Kenren would rather die to allow any harm come to the Field Marshall." Then with a sigh and a gesture of boredom she adds, "Men! They jump at the first opportunity to start a brawl."

"Brawl, Merciful Goddess? More than half of the heavenly army wiped out and you call it a brawl." The Emperor looked at the Merciful Goddess questioning.

"Your Majesty couple of days and the heavenly army would be restored to its glory again. So, yes I do call it an out of hand brawl."

The Emperor now laughs a hearty laugh then turn to look at the men standing before him now. Before he could speak, Lord Buddha moves and bows before the Jade Emperor, "Please forgive your servant for interrupting this court but before your Majesty passes sentence may I have a word with you in private."

"Lord Buddha, you honor me with your gesture of course we may speak before I pass sentence. Everyone is dismiss, please take Field Marshall Tenpou, General Kenren and Son Goku to their cells as for you Lord Konzen you are free to go seeing that you are only an innocent bystander. I am sure you have tons of paper work to fill now with this out of hand brawl as your aunt so nicely put it."

Everyone bowed and left the Emperor's presence. Lord Buddha now says, "Would you take a walk with me Your Majesty."

Both heavenly figures take a walk towards the Goddess of Mercy Palace then proceed to the Goddess pond that as always is filled with blossoming lotus. Lord Buddha finally speaks, "Now, I have never interfered with the heavens decrees and till today never voice my discontent with the heaven's contempt for the lower world matters."

"What are you getting at Lord Buddha?"

"Your Majesty the problems of the lower world are mine to solve; however, you constantly meddle on my affairs. Without my permission your army's keep raiding the lower world killing demons, taking advantage of the humans and disrupting the continuous evolution of the planet earth."

"If you are talking about Nataku's battles."

Lord Buddha cuts the Jade Emperor short, "Forgive me Your Majesty, I am talking about always but these late events just tried my patience. Son Goku as you have called our 'Seiten Taisei' was stolen from Earth by one of your man and then sold to the Merciful Goddess as a pet. Seiten Taisei is not ordinary pet; he is the defender of Earth our own Prince of War. He was conceived from the moment planet Earth was created to be born at the moment the Earth need it a defender, her own savoir. The Equalizer to bring balanced when the planet's balance was lost. His destiny is back on Earth not here on heaven where he is treated like an animal a creature to be play with."

The Jade Emperor looks appalled by the way Lord Buddha speaks to him. The God of compassion was no one to be push around. "What is that you want for me?"

"I know what your decree is going to be. You're going to court martial Field Marshall Tenpou and General Kenren then obliterate their existence to make an example of them even though, you know that the cause of all this mess is that snake Li-Touten. You're well aware of his plans to overthrown you. You know of it all along and yet you keep him for your own amusement. You wanted to know how far he would go. You even used Lord Konzen, my own son for this purpose."

The Jade Emperor looks shock at Lord Buddha but in his lips a mischievous smile begins to curl. "Lord Buddha you surprise me with your bold statements."

"Don't deny it, you knew all along that Konzen is Kanzeon Bosatsu and I son."

"Yes! You are much clever than I give you credit for Buddha. I'm curious when you figured out that I knew about you and Kanzeon Bosatsu."

"When you appointed Konzen as heaven's administrator, you needed someone you could trust. So, you figure if you could not trust Konzen at least you had a weapon to use for your own advantage. At that top position, he would have access to every single piece of information on heaven if he decided to ally himself with Li-Touten then you would used him against me and Kanzeon Bosatsu to protect yourself from being overthrown. Otherwise, Li-Touten would never suspect that you were on to him since Konzen would keep you informed without him knowing himself."

"So, what do you want?"

"I want what is rightfully mine. I can careless for you and heaven's affairs. I'll protect my son against you and anyone else, even against himself."

"So, tell me Buddha what should be my decree tomorrow?"

"I understand your need to make an example, so I suggest that you decree goes as follows: condemn Seiten Taisei to 500 yrs of imprisonment at which time Seiten Taisei will be released to begin his training as the Earth's defender. Since Prince Nataku sealed Gyumaoh the Earth does not faces any immediate treats that should satisfy your need for make examples. You can even say that your decision was made out of diplomatic necessity to continue with peaceful terms between Heaven and Earth."

"What about Field Marshall Tenpou and General Kenren?"

"Well, they did defend and protect as best as they could Seiten Taisei. I suggest that you imprison them for about the same amount of time then released their souls to be reborn as humans. It is up to them if they continue their friendship with Seiten Taisei or not. After, they finished their cleansing and redeem themselves down on Earth if you want to bring them back to heaven that is up to you. I did hear you praising them for their great military expertise."

"Yeah! It would be a shame to lose such brilliant minds. I think I can always blame it on you and your diplomatic…" The Jade Emperor trails getting lost in thought. He did like after all The Field Marshall and the General such fighting spirit. Turning to face Buddha, "What about Konzen?"

"Well, He will forever be the Merciful Goddess nephew. It was decided long ago; however, he is free to do as he chooses. He can travel between heaven and earth freely after all he is going to inherit my domain whenever I passed away and while he does not possess such claim here on heaven he does have a position." Both Gods strike a bargain and then the Jade Emperor excuse himself to go and continue with his duties. Buddha continues as a guess of the Merciful Goddess till after the trail.

After the decree of Tenpou, Kenren, and Goku's sentence, Konzen returns to his apartments and he is lost in thought. Konzen pleaded to the Merciful Goddess to intercede and to allow him to be the one to take Goku to the lower world. He wants to be the one to seal him on that mountain and be the one to take his memories away. The thought of any one harming him was unbearable to Konzen. He felt guilty. He could not protect Goku not before and not after even during the bloody fights all he could do was watch frozen as Goku, Tenpou, and Kenren fought fiercely to protect him and themselves. He was useless all he could do was sign papers and stamp perfectly aligned seals. So, he saw it as a fit punishment to be the one to walk Goku to his doom and to take his memories away. He allowed Goku to be endangered so it was his fault. Goku was his to protect and he could do nothing.

Goku held his hands as they went down to the lower world he is like a little child bouncing and stopping to admire the flowers, the animals that are fluttering around. So carefree, not a worry, he has no idea what a horrible fate awaits for him on that mountain. Once they arrive Konzen asks Goku to let go of his hand and to get inside the cave. Goku looks at him with his big wide Golden-Amber eyes and a big grin then does as he is told. Konzen begins to recite the incantation that would imprison Goku for 500yrs. The bars began to form and a large shackle grips Goku's feet.

"Konzen"

"What is it Goku?"

"Don't be sad, once my time out is over you would come and take me home with you."

Konzen only looks at him tears falling down his cheeks such an innocent creature.

"It would be a piece of cake. I won't complain. I promise I won't keep any secrets from you again. I won't even mind that I won't be able to eat for such a long time."

Konzen now crouches in front of Goku now the hardest part of everything to take his memories away.

"Goku! Listen to me; I'm going to take your memories away. You would not remember anything that has happen to you since you come to live in heaven."

"But I won't forget you, Konzen you're my sun."

Konzen smiles sadly for the first time in such a long time he smiles and it is a sad smile, "I'm afraid Goku that I am part of those memories, so I won't exist on your mind either. You will forget me because you will not have any memory of me."

"No, I won't forget you. You cannot make. You are my sun and I am going to wait for you to come and get me when my time out is over."

Konzen ruffles Goku's brown hair. He will no longer have to grab him from his hair to scold him for whatever mischief he got himself into. This time the mischief is too big for a simple yelling. Konzen touches Goku's forehead while he chants the spell to erase his memories. He gets up and walks away with a firm step; however, on the distance he hears Goku yelling, "I won't forget you. You cannot make me forget you. You are my sun." The spell would take a few seconds to seal and the memories would be gone.

Konzen makes a decision. He gets up from the bed and walks towards the guests rooms. He knocks at the door and Lord Buddha opens the door, "Konzen, what a lovely surprise? Come in please."

"Lord Buddha, I have a favor to ask."

Buddha looks at his son so much sadness is overwhelming. He wishes pretty much to just erase the sadness from Konzen but he knows is best that people suffer otherwise the spirit would never grow. "What can I do for you?"

"I want to be re-incarnated."

"Why? Are the heavens so boring?"

"Yes, but that is not the reason. I want to be with Goku. As a God, the Jade Emperor has forbid me to go and visit Goku at his prison. He only agreed to let me be the one to take Goku to the mountain and be the one to erase his memories but I'm forbidden to set foot on the mountain ever again. But, if I become a human, I can do pretty much what I want. And all I want is to be with Goku."

"He will not recognize you. He has no memory of you."

"I know but I will have the memories of him and that is enough for me."

Buddha looks inside Konzen's soul then with a grin adds, "I'm afraid that is impossible."

"Why? Tenpou and Kenren are going to be re-born. Do I have to commit a crime to be re-incarnated?"

"No, nothing as drastic as that, however, I say it's impossible simple because once you are re-born your past life memories don't always resurface with you. They're part of you but not necessarily follow you. Their purpose is to help your soul grow and each lifetime forms new memories. So your past life memories are no longer of use unless you need them to help your soul grow so that is why it is not a fact that your memories would follow you. I hope I am making sense to you Konzen."

Konzen paces inside the room while Buddha follows his every movement. He senses his son despair and confusion. He is so tempted to just erase his son's chaotic feelings; however, he knows that if he truly loves his son he has to help him find his heart. Up till now he has been his mother's son, but Buddha also knows that deep down buried he has a warm and loving heart. He is his son after all. Konzen makes another decision and faces Buddha, "I'll take the risk. I'm sure that I can find Goku. After all if humans are convince to be able to find a soul mate, why I won't find Goku? We are more than soul mates. We belong to each other and this union was made in heaven."

Buddha grin widens and then he adds, "Well, if you are certain that it is what you want. There is a way that you can preserve your memories all of them if you are interested."

Konzen looks straight into Buddha's eyes and adds without hesitation, "I'll do whatever it takes to get Goku back. He is mine. He belongs to me."

Buddha only laughs loud then adds, "Konzen come and see me seventeen years before Goku's sentence is fulfill." Buddha gets ready to leave his business on the heavens is already concluded. As he walks away, he says, "Konzen if you have not change your mind in about 483yrs, I'll grant you your wish."

Sanzo's eyes fly open uncontrollable rivers of tears fall on his face. Daybreak is visible on the horizon. Sanzo turns to gaze at the sleeping Goku and whispers to himself, "I found you and even if you don't have a memory of me you did not forget me. You kept calling me until I find you. I might be your sun Goku but you are my heart."

Sanzo now gets up to go and wash his face soon everyone is going to awake and he does not want anyone to see him crying.

**TBC**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the characters of Saiyuki that totally and unashamedly appear on this fan fiction. They are the product of Kazuya Minekura's wonderful imagination. However, the plot is totally my selfish desired to get some romantic thrills, which are only alluded to or implied, on her creative work.

**Author's Notes: **The following story is based on Saiyuki anime English version of course and has transcribed references which will appear of course with () to signal the borrowed dialogued from Episode 01 (Go to the West), Episode 29 (Unexpected Defeat), Episode 39 (Misty Rain), and Episode 50 (Alone). I humbly hope Kazuya Minekura will forgive me for borrowing her inspiration while my intention is not to plagiarize her work I need some of the dialogue to construct a solid foundation for my love story starring of course our beautiful boys from Saiyuki. While this inner journey takes place during episode 39 (Misty Rain), it started from the moment Sanzo extended his hand to help Goku escape his rock prison and will go beyond episode 50 (Alone) and will not touch whatsoever on Saiyuki Reload or Saiyuki Reload Gunlock. After episode 50, I will have a totally different story. I hope you like it.

**Addition: **This chapter is a combination of the events shown on Saiyuki anime above the heavens side story and Saiyuki Gaiden from the Magna.


	5. BitterSweet Defeat

"Did I just see that? All those demons in just five minutes!" ()Goyjo looks at Goku in admiration, he will be damn but Goku has changed so much in just a couple of weeks. It is like he is growing at an incredible rate becoming more mature or at least more skillful.

Hakkai on the other hand cannot help himself but feel envious of Goku as he states(), "I don't know why we bother fighting at all anymore. Pretty soon we'll just sit back and let him do all the work."

"Soon he will no needs us at all, freaky!" ()Goyjo adds proud of what Goku is becoming such a great force to reckon with.

Hakkai turns his attention to Sanzo, who seems to be growing depress by the minute(), "Hey! Are you alright, Sanzo?"

"Yeah! Sure!" Sanzo adds as an afterthought. He knows what's happening. He is aware of the rapid changes in Goku's fighting skills until a few months back Goku fought like an unruly child. It was like he was just exploring his playground but now he seems to be one with a purpose. Goku fights with the spirit of someone who has a purpose and no one will detour him from it.

"So, how did I do? Did I win? Did I?" Goku is exciting looking at the impress faces of his friends; however, the only person he wants to impress is Sanzo. He wants to show Sanzo that he is getting stronger that he will protect Sanzo no matter who he has to battle with. No one will take Sanzo away from him. He had been so closed at loosing Sanzo in the past few months first when Rikkudo stabbed Sanzo, then when the Scorpion demon stung Sanzo and in both occassions he lost control of himself. And he does not want to go through it again. It seems to him that when he loses his control he causes more damages than he actually helps, so he is determined never to lose control again and to protect Sanzo, his Sanzo from anything that comes their way. Goku is so happy because for the past few weeks he has been sharing a bed with Sanzo and he is not about to lose that privilege just because he is not strong enough. He has been closer to Sanzo than ever he has been for the past six years that they have been together. It seems to Goku that ever since Homura kidnapped him Sanzo has changed. He has become nicer more tolerant of him. He has been allowed to sleep with Sanzo. Whenever they are alone, Sanzo allows him to play with his beautiful blond hair and he can smell Sanzo to his heart content. And Goku is not going to allow anything take back all that he has earned so far.

After finishing all those demons back at that church, Sanzo and the gang head to town to buy supplies and to find a place to spend the night before they continue their journey toward the West. Sanzo's senses are in full alert. He knows is just a matter of time before everything come tumbling down and the showdown starts. He is unsure if he is prepared. He fears that he cannot go through with it. He has just realized how important Goku is to him. He has just recovered, analyzed and accepted his past memories and now he knows he has no time before everything he has worked so hard at is put on the line and he is afraid. What is he afraid of? Losing Goku. No, Goku has remind his over 500yrs without the memories of him. No is not losing Goku no matter what happens Goku at the end will be his no matter what. He is afraid of the foolish game his parents and the Jade emperor are playing at. The Gods are selfish beings that use everything and everyone to fulfill their boring lives.

He is aware now who his real parents are the Merciful Goddess and Buddha. He has also discovered that this showdown that Homura is planning is not really Homura's doing but a clever manipulation of his mother, the Merciful Goddess. Next time he sees her, he will properly greet his mischievous mother. He might not be able to kill the Merciful Goddess; however, he knows how to inflict pain after all he has have a great model to learn from. He was a divine being for so long and with the human experience added, he knows, he knows how to respond to the boring lives of those manipulative Gods in the heavens. They want a showdown; he will give them a great showdown. He might be coming late into the game but now he is awake fully awake and he has something to fight for, Goku.

Sanzo can hear the chatter around him, Goku food list, Goyjo bantering and now he can feel Homura's presence, _"So time out is over! The game begins."_

"Moron!"() Sanzo spats as if really following the banter between his companions.

Hakkai smiles as he adds, ()"What no paper fan today?"  
_Let's get on with the show and the Gods be damn_. Sanzo sighs and adds, ()"Tz! I don't have the energy"

Now Hakkai senses Homura and his clique too as he responds, ()"Look Sanzo, you're going to totally look like an old man if you're tense all the time you should learn to relax a little bit it wouldn't kill you."

Homura materializes in front of them as Sanzo states, ()"I can never afford to let my guard down for a minute."

After the following speech and Homura's ultimatum, Sanzo and the gang are finally settle into their accommodations to enjoy what it is left of the day since their showdown was finally settle to take place first thing in the morning. They have just finish eating and Hakkai and Goyjo are trying to figure out what to do about their impending battle. Sanzo is irritated he knows exactly how this is going to play out. He knows what's going to happen tomorrow and he cannot tell his companions telling them will not change anything. He needs to think fast. He needs to come up with a fool proof plan to disrupt his parents and the Jade emperor's stupid game. He stands up from his chair as he spats, ()"I don't care if they are Gods. We eliminate anyone who is stupid enough to stand in our way. And that is all it is to it."

Goku follows Sanzo and after a short distance walk and Goku pestering Sanzo to buy him a meat bun. Sanzo turns around and takes Goku to the first food stand. Goku is finally quiet down eating his meat bun like it was the best thing in the world. Sanzo cannot help it but observe Goku's ever movement. He admires the way his mouth moves and waters as he takes each bite. In more than one occasion Sanzo felt the need to wipe Goku's mouth with his fingers and licked them but he just turns his face around to look up at the full silvery moon gracing the chilly night sky. He wonders if he mating with Goku is part of his parents and the Jade emperor's plans. He really wants to possess Goku both in body and soul; however, how is he supposed to oppose the selfish game his parents and the Jade emperor are playing if he plays right into their hands.

Why life has to be so difficult? And when you think you have a grasp of what it is all about a new path shows in front of you. _So life is messy! _Sanzo thinks for a minute then he realizes another thing. He does not mind life being so messy and unpredictable that is what makes it so... _Fun!_ Sanzo realizes that it is all that the Merciful Goddess always asks of him. _"Konzen are you having fun! Konzen, please have some fun!"_ Every scene he can think of him and his so called aunt, the Merciful Goddess it was the only question always in her lips. Sanzo now has an idea forming on his head. If it was everything about having fun, then he will think about how to have more fun at the expense of the Gods for a change. He turns to look at Goku who is telling him that they should go back to the inn.

Once they reach the inn, Sanzo sends Goku to their room. He has things to prepare for. Although, he knows how things are going to go tomorrow. It does not mean he has to take them lying down. He would put up a fight. He will play his part on this game; however, once this part of the game was over, he would be ready to play his own hand and maybe turn the tables on the Gods and he will have fun for a change. When he arrives at his room, he sees the unmade bed empty. He scans the room quickly and finally sees Goku standing outside the window looking into the horizon. He basks on the small figure of Goku. Sanzo cannot wait until Goku grows to his full potential not only on his fighting skills but his physical body. Goku will be his there was no question about that. The question was how he will thwart his parents' game. He takes a drag from his cigarette before he asks, "Can't sleep?"

Goku turns around to face Sanzo and with a serious note in his voice he tells him that he cannot sleep because he is too hype. He cannot wait to face Homura and defeat him once for all. Sanzo keeps listening as he mentally curses the Gods. He knows that Goku's victory is not yet to come. He wishes he could spare Goku the pain he is about to experience but just like his father the Buddha did to him. He has to allow Goku to go through the same if he wants Goku to grow stronger. He needs Goku to be stronger if he is to defeat the Jade emperor and his selfish parents. Sanzo takes one more look at Goku before answering his question about the weather. The good weather expected is not for Goku's sake, so Sanzo goes to bed as he orders Goku to do the same.

Goku follows Sanzo into the bed and he snakes his arms around Sanzo's waist. Sanzo tenses; however, he does not remove Goku's arms. Goku snuggles further into Sanzos's body and his warm breath hits Sanzo's nape. Sanzo is about to turn around and ravish that bronze tan body. He is not sure his horny body could take Goku's closeness one more night; however, his intentions are stop when he hears the fast asleep Goku mumbling, "I'll protect you Sanzo. I promised no one will ever harm you. I'll protect you forever."

A tear rolls down his warm ivory cheeks; Sanzo wipes it with the back of his hand as he grabs hold of Goku's entwined hands in front of his abdomen. A sigh escapes from his mouth as he whispers, "Sleep my Goku!" His horny body would have to wait a little longer. Goku needs all of his strength without Sanzo distracting him with confusion. He knows the moment he tries to take Goku. The monkey is going to be confused because he is innocent that way. Hell, he himself is innocent only on the physical part because he has been witness to some sexual encounters that would put any one to shame. Sleep finally takes hold of Sanzo and he smiles as he dreams of the first time between him and Goku. Everything will be right once the Homura issue is put to rest.

Goyjo and Hakkai finally get back to their rooms after the weird conversation between them and Homura's boys.

"Hey! So sleep tight and do not let the bed bugs bite." Goyjo says playfully to Hakkai as he stands in front of his room.

Hakkai sighs and smiles at Goyjo as he answers, "You too have sweet dreams!" Then with a sudden movement, he opens the door to his room and closed it behind him quickly than he wanted. The last thing he needs is to gaze at Goyjo's horny eyes, things between them have been weird ever since the drunk kiss episode. Well, at least Hakkai thinks is all in his mind that Goyjo has not been looking at him with hungry eyes. After Goyjo kissed him while under the influence of alcohol, the next morning Hakkai had decided to let it go and do not confront Goyjo about it. He had said some wierd stuff about Hakkai being with Yaonne or something like that but after some thinking Hakkai decided it was not worth it mentioned to Goyjo since he was really drunk. However, Goyjo have been acting weird. Hakkai feels like Goyjo is treating him like he is a fragile damsel in distress, opening doors for him, pulling chairs, almost like anticipating Hakkai's every need. And since Sanzo have been rooming with Goku, Hakkai have been forced to turn down Goyjo's every request to room together and share the same bed. Hakkai feels like Goyjo is playing a game of mouse and cat with him. It is like Goyjo is the cat and Hakkai the mouse that he wants to eat. Hakkai have been tempted in more than one occasion to let loose and accept what Goyjo is offering; however, he is terrified that Goyjo is just playing him to find out if he swings that way and then finally have an excuse to throw him out of his life.

Hakkai rather die than lose the fragile friendship he shares with Goyjo. He would take Goyjo's teasing whatever reason Goyjo has to play him like that soon would pass and things will go back to normal. Goyjo would go back to be the womanizing he is and Hakkai would be the silent friend that waits for him every night. With these thoughts, Hakkai readies himself for bed. Once he is under the covers. Hakkai closes his eyes and begins to stroke himself as he conjures up images of Goyjo teasing him. Only if the teasing was for real his life would be complete. Hakkai would be the happiest person on earth.

Goyjo slams the door behind him. He cannot think of anything else to do to make Hakkai looked at him. Well at least he is happy that Hakkai really has nothing going on between him and Yaonne. He learned from Goku that what he thought was a kiss between Yaonne and Hakkai had only been a misperception. It was all an innocent accident where Hakkai being the gentleman he was only help Yaonne with a small pebble that had hit her on the eye. Goyjo gets naked quickly and drops unto the bed as he smokes a cigarette. It would it been nice to have a go with Hakkai before facing the Gods in a few hours but if it could not been helped then at least he was secure in the knowledge that Hakkai was not pining after the twisted monk or his idiot monkey. Hakkai was pretty much a celibate and while that helps him knowing that at least no one else was on his mind, it did not give much hope to Goyjo ever winning his heart as a lover. Well Hakkai was his friend for now and that should be enough.

The most anticipated morning had arrived and all of the players were at their designated points. The battle did not last more than ten minutes; however, they were the most intense ten minutes. Goku looked like he had the upper hand but his inexperience gave Homura the opportunity to hit Goku while he was distracted processing the fact that he had managed to hit Homura. Once Goku was down Homura went after Sanzo, no matter how prepared he was the slash that Homura inflicted on him burned like hell; however, Sanzo managed to resist a little longer causing Homura to hit the red-chakra point forcing the scriptures to revert into Homura's hands. The scriptures belong to the Gods; therefore, there was not much Sanzo could do to stop Homura from taking them. Sanzo was satisfied that at least he did not give in so easily. He knew he was going down but he managed to make his statement. He would not take anything lying down.

Sanzo went into a comma for a few days. While the others tend to their wounds and Sanzo's the best they could. Goku tried his best to keep strong; however, he was very distress because he had promised Sanzo to keep him safe, to protect him and he had failed him once more. Hakkai did his best to try to comfort Goku but he too was suffering because he was not able to protect the people he loved. He felt defenseless against the Gods. Goyjo did his best to not lose his cool. He too was feeling the sting of powerlessness against the Gods.

Sanzo finally opened his eyes and he felt weary. He was weary of being treated like the damsel in distress. He had been useless when he was a God back at the heavens and now he was finally through with allowing his parents to treat him like this delicate flower. He knew how he would thwart his parents and the Jade emperor's game. He stood up and walked outside to get some fresh air. Goku followed him and started to blab about fish and something. Sanzo realizing what was really eating at Goku. He had made him a promised to protect him and he felt that he had failed Sanzo. Only if Goku knew that it was not his fault but all an elaborated scheme of the heavens to distract some bored Gods.

Sanzo sighed and made a decision it was time to declared check mate. The Gods had one more move to make before he finally would be able to bring the game to his own pace. Goku had one more lesson to learn before Sanzo could complete the plan that would put the Gods on check mate.

**TBC**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the characters of Saiyuki that totally and unashamedly appear on this fan fiction. They are the product of Kazuya Minekura's wonderful imagination. However, the plot is totally my selfish desired to get some romantic thrills, which are only alluded to or implied, on her creative work.

**Author's Notes: **The following story is based on Saiyuki anime, English version of course, and has transcribed references. I insert endnotes to indicate the episode from which I borrowed the dialogued. I humbly hope Kazuya Minekura will forgive me for borrowing her inspiration while my intention is not to plagiarize her work I need some of the dialogue to construct a solid foundation for my love story starring of course our beautiful boys from Saiyuki. While this inner journey takes place during episode 39 _Misty Rain_, it started from the moment Sanzo extended his hand to help Goku escape his rock prison and will go beyond episode 50 _Alone_ and will not touch whatsoever on Saiyuki Reload or Saiyuki Reload Gunlock. After episode 50, I will have a totally different story. I hope you like it.

Episodes 44 & 45


End file.
